hiasan diri

pada suatu masa dahulu, aku ada mencoret puisi ini..

aku tidak perlu menghias diri

untuk membuatmu tertawan padaku

kerana aku sudah sedia menawan.

aku tidak perlu bersolek indah menambah seri

kerana hatiku sudah cukup berseri

aku tidak perlu meperindahkan lagi

tentang erti sebuah kebenaran

kerana kebenaran itu sudah tersedia indah menyerlah!

aku jua tidak perlukan lagi

manusia untuk menyampaikan rasa

kerana aku sudah punya Tuhan melimpahi jiwa.

kerna itu

aku yakin dan pasti

maksudku

hanya Tuhan mengerti

dan pasti Tuhan

tidak menyalahi janji

yakinku

pada takdir Ilahi

hanya Dia

yang memberi erti

hari-hari

pada diri

ku mohon

bismillah.

astaghfirullah. astaghfirullah. astaghfirullah.


bila dah ditimpa kesusahan, baru tergelisah, baru ingat tuhan.
bila time senang, lapang, senang-senang je 'campak' Dia tu ntah kat mana-mana.

hu. siap boleh berehat bersenang lenang macam ber'cuti' sungguh dan terlupa banyak benda or tak endah banyak perkara padahal umat tengah tenat.

bila kena 'smash', alhamdulillah nasib Allah still kembalikan 'rasa'. rasa 'sakit' n terpukul.

sakit..
risau..
takut..
cuakk ..

bila dah terasa macam ni memang terus tak ingat yang lain. Ingat Dia je. sebab you know only He can help. Only HE.

saat ni, rasa nak marah kat diri sangat2. kenapa boleh senang sangat tumbang. tapi geram pun tak boleh buat ape since kubu dah terhancur. realitinya kena bina semula. nasib baik masih ada sisa-sisa serpihan batu-bata. dan masih ada lagi batu-bata untuk disusun.

ok this is emo. again. I'm just serabut. so much things in my head and so much things to do, to work on, to deal, to reply, to think of....bla bla bla..

okay. crap. astaghfirullah

credit lagu dendangan sheila majid. lirik boleh didapati di sini 

anak sheila sekarang mesti dah besar.. khalefa dgn khadeja. ala khalefa dulu jumpa pun dah boleh berlari..adik dia khadeja sekarang ni pun mest sure dah berlari dah. almost 2 years.,isk3.. dah lama tak jumpa dorang. maklang pun dah lama tak dengar khabar. huhu..   

really ku mohon.
ya Allah,
kurniakan aku kesabaran dan ketabahan.

serabut mode. #_#

imagine one day ..

Bismillah,

coretan seorang hamba yang penuh khilaf, yang tak confirm lagi masuk syurga.

pagi tadi sembang2 dengan housemate aku,husna, seputar pasal kehidupan ..
macam2 yang disembangkan ..
bila usia makin dewasa, pemikiran pun kena dewasa.. sembang2 pun bukan sembang-sembang biasa.. (ecece..ehem2..hehehe =P)

antara yang disembangkan ialah tentang dugaan-dugaan dalam kehidupan. dia bercerita kisah suka duka hidup dia. aku pulak cukup terbuka dan setia mendengar sambil-sambil cuba kasi dia pelajaran yang patut dia kutip sebagai kekuatan dalam kehidupan.

walau usia dia sebaya usia kakak aku, tapi aku rasa itu bukan penghalang untuk aku 'mendidik' dia. cuba mengenalkan dia dengan erti islam yang sebenar. bila aku tengok dia, cuba pandang dengan kasih sayang. cuba pandang dia dengan penuh akhowat..pandang dia, yang dia ni suatu hari akan jadi seorang ibu, akan ada suami, ada anak-anak. yang anak-anak tu mesti dan perlu dibesarkan dengan nilai-nilai islam. thats why even dia berbeza 'bangsa' dan bahasa dari aku, dan of course kadang2 tak senang nak explain benda2 islam yang mentarbiyyah dengan cara yang aku faham dan untuk diterjemahkan dalam english, tapi cuba je la yang sebolehnya.

dan seputar sembang-sembang hati ke hati tu, aku ingatkan dia tentang pentingnya cabaran-cabaran dan dugaan-dugaan yang ada sekarang ni untuk dihadapi dengan penuh ketabahan, kecekalan, kesabaran, dan keimanan yang tinggi.

okla. to be frank and straight to the point, lama-lama sembang, termasuklah topik kawen. usia 20-an ni sangatlah tak boleh lari dari topik ni. dan sebenarnya tak perlu lari pun. perlu hadapi, perlu terbuka.

bila aku kasi dia lecture sikit, baru aku tersedar n terasa aku ni dah matang sikit la pasal bab ni berbanding dulu. (bukan angkat bakul ye). dulu super rebina sikit

antara kita, sapa yang tak nak kawin? ada suami, ada isteri, ada cahaya mata yang comey2.. dan dia memang nak sangat kawin, tapi ayah dia kata habis belajar dulu. dan aku setuju je dengan pendapat ayah dia. (kalau mmg dah ada somebody, tu lain ceritalah.dia ni nak je kawin. tapi belum ada sapa lagi pun. cuma perasaan nak tu macam meluap2 je, sebab dia rasa sangat lonely). tapi bukan ayah dia tak nak dia kawen in fact memang nak sangat dia kawen, tapi dia nak jugak anak dia habis studi dulu.

aku tekankan kat dia, lagi 2 tahun je pun nak habis kan studi. sekarang ni lah masanya untuk persiapkan diri.

"Imagine one day you will be a mother.. if you can't handle, tackle your anger right now, you can't be patience enough, how are you going to deal that with your kids, your husband.. Life for marriage sure will be tougher than now. It's not that easy as you might think. ~ GEt married and live happily ever after .~."

"Imagine if one day you have a husband.. imagine if you can't control your anger, and your ego.. you feel so much hurt..imagine that..if you cant handle it now, learn to forgive and forget, you might suffer for your entire life with your husband. and imagine to be hurt and live with him for the rest of your life for about 30-40 years? or maybe your anger too much that can lead to divorce..is that what you want? therefore for now, it is important to think, learn,prepare yourself. How to be a good wife, how to be a good mother ..Think about it. Yes, you might be in pain for now, having so much hardships, but later insha Allah you will get a happy life for all the struggles.."

lebih kurang camtu la gaya aku cakap.. dan bebel kat dia macam2 lagi. tapi sangat stresskan kat dia, sekarang nilah masanya untuk have the mindset absorbing everything from life to get prepared for the next phase of life (insha Allah kalau ade rezeki panjang umur). be a strong person. tahan dengan ujian kehidupan.

n somehow bila ingatkan dia macam tu, diri aku sendiri sebenarnya macam dah tergerak untuk begerak ke arah tu. tersedar kejap.. oh mann imagine if I'm going to be a mother one day.. mcm2 perangai buruk ada lagi.. aishh.. rosak budak tu nanti..

n kebelakangan ni banyak dibincangankan soal peranan wanita.. role of women in nation-building la. mother of nation la. dan macam2 lagi isu pasal how women should be hero instead of 'victim'. and itu dalam subjek politic and women studies..

lepas sembang-sembang, terus rasa inspired over something..
terus terpanjang angan-angan, 'wishes2' yang dulu, impian yang mahu dinyatakan..
perasaan, fikiran yang pernah bermain-main dan semadi dalam ingatan..

cakap kat husna,

"You know what.. when I still in in high school, I really want to be full-time housewife, mother at home..nurturing and raising the kids carefully..(maybe inspired by my dad)"

I really want to be most of the time at home like my mom. I really really want not to be working at  office like other typical working-women..and now I realize how I can realize this dream and make this wish come true..

*How? hehe.. *

I don't really have a thorough plan, but for now I do have some rough plan for life and I want to work for it and start getting the passion.  and everytime I start to work, study, I remember the moment for my 'future' and I remember those 'dreams and wishes' that I want to fulfill and I want it to be realized. (with God's will). I knew it's hard to think about marriage. It's not that easy. It is a crucial and heavy matter that you should not take it lightly. You have to be serious as marriage is the step towards building a generation. and to generate, nurturing the kids later, it need from within. and all starts from ourselves.

ada terjumpa satu blog ni tadi, kisah cerita sepasang suami  isteri ni cerita pasal macamana cara dia didik anak dia yang baru umur setahun tapi dah pandai baca ABC, alif ba ta..memang menarik jugak la. boleh baca kisah  tu kat sini.

kagumm..bila baca post tu, terasa mcm..wahhh..seronoknya dapat anak yang cerdik macam tu. ya Allah.. nak satu jugak! =p.. dan mulalah terbayang2, nak dapat anak nanti nak 'hafiz'kan dia..nak itu nak inikan dia..

well, angan-angan ni tak boleh biar angan-angan saja. it has to work from within. perlunya planning, dan paling penting OBJEKTIF. matlamat mardhotillah. (Allahu Ghayatuna) bila muhasabah kembali, waduhh.. terasa diri ni penuh kekurangan. dengan tak disiplinnya, mutabaah amal yang rongak2.. nak anak hafiz, tapi emaknya sendiri tak 'hafiz'(tak menjaga), macamana ..?

nak anak hebat macam Sultan Muhammad Al-Fateh? aish.. kalau setakat sunat rawatib, mathurat, benda sunat2 tu pun tinggal, liat..macamana? tahajud tak yah sebut la kalau asyik bangun subuh terkejut. T.T

hu. bila koreksi balik, banyak benda perlu islah, islah, islah. bila dah dakwah kat orang, at the end all those peringatan tu sebenarnya datang kat diri balik. n sebenarnya sebelum dia jadi bermanfaat kat orang lain, yang paling bermanfaat tu pada diri sendiri jugak..

kalau dah cakap kat orang, sendiri tak buat, cakap tak serupa bikin, aishh mau tak kena laknat, kena balun dengan Allah nanti..nauzubillah (refer Surah As-Saff:2)

cakap pasal peringatan, dalam solat semalam, terasa something. masa tu solat maghrib ke isyak. jadi imam. kalau jadi imam kena baca kuat sikit la kan. bila baca kuat, kita dapat dengar bacaan tu balik jelas pada pendengaran kita dengan orang lain. aku baca surah baqarah. ayat 1-10 kalau tak silap. tiba rakaat kedua, ayat ke-6, hati terasa gerun kejap. bergetar.

bila baca cuba selami dan hayati makna dia. kebelakangan ni, dalam UO selalu je sebut2 pasal 'kekafiran'. 2 minggu lepas tadabbur tafsir surah insaan diceritakan sifat2 orang kafir. lepas tu minggu ni tadabbur surah baqarah ayat 214-216. ayat first tu sebut pasal  kehidupan dunia yang terasa indah bagi orang kafir.

and apa yang gerunnya Allah memang terang-terang sebut, orang kafir ni tempat dia di neraka. akan diazab dengan dasyat. nauzubillah. back to the story, baca ayat ke-6 tu,

Sesungguhnya orang-orang kafir (yang tidak akan beriman), sama sahaja kepada mereka: sama ada engkau beri amaran kepadanya atau engkau tidak beri amaran, mereka tidak akan beriman.

(Dengan sebab keingkaran mereka), Allah mematerikan atas hati mereka serta pendengaran mereka, dan pada penglihatan mereka ada penutupnya; dan bagi mereka pula disediakan azab seksa yang amat besar.

 Dan di antara manusia ada yang berkata: "Kami telah beriman kepada Allah dan kepada hari akhirat"; padahal mereka sebenarnya tidak beriman.

ayat yg ke-6 tu nampak macam simple je. macam common dan biasa je kita jumpa kan. macam kat dalam surah yasin, Allah ada gak cakap camni.. tapi kan, yang buat hati aku bergetar kejap tu, bila maksud ayat tu diselami lagi..

 amaran = peringatan..

Allah cakap, sifat-sifat orang kafir tu sama je .. ko kasi dia peringatan ke tak kasi ke, dia sama je..
cuba baca, ulang, dan fahamkan versi lain sikit..

kalau kita ni bila dah islam, dengan belum dapat 'islam', sama je, takde beza, kita ni macam sape?

kalau kita ni join usrah, sama je macam sebelum kita join, takde berubah apa2, takde beza,kita ni macam sape?

kalau kita ni dah dapat sentuhan tarbiyyah, dah mula sedar itu ini, tapi kita tetap tak berubah ke arah yang lagi baik, malah mungkin in the state of 'denial', tak mau menerima hakikat atas segalanya, ha kita ni macam sape?

nauzubillah. dush! terasa macam satu tamparan kejap. terasa macam.. ya Allah takutnya..entah aku ni dah cukup beriman ke tak.

pilihan hanya dua. 

beriman secukupnya atau tidak. takde pun pernah jumpa dalam quran atau kat mana2, separuh2 beriman, beriman sekerat-sekerat, or boleh nak beriman sikit2, beriman part-time..

huu..entah2 selama ni yang aku dok baca2 kisah-kisa yang Allah dok cerita tu..azab2 pasal orang2 kafir.. yang selalu aku ingat, orang2 kafir tu orang lain, bukan aku, dan 'mustahil la aku ni sebahagian dari orang kafir kan', TAPI boleh jadi aku sendiri tergolong dalam golongan tu sebab ada sifat2 yg ada pada golongan tu. nauzubilllah..!

itulah sifat-sifat orang kafir yang antaranya,
- membelakangkan hari akhirat (ada tersebut dalam surah al'ala kalau taksilap)
- hidup ikut acuan sendiri, ikut nafsu (tak ingat surah mana)
- dah diremind, dah diingatkan, sama je macam kasi peringatan ke tak. takde beza. (surah baqarah, yasin)

masha Allah..

ya Allah, moga hati ini terus tsabat pada hidayah yang Kau kurniakan..

hamasah yang ada pada saat ini,

kekalkanlah ya Allah.

gentar rasa ini

jangan kau lenyapkan ya Allah..

rayuan seorang hamba..

17 Cole,

12:53AM

can't you read?

sejenak terfikir. dah lama tak buat refleksi. tapi dua tiga menjak ni memang ada beberapa perkara yang mengetuk pintu hati. kalau tak ambil peluang untuk berfikir sejenak, merenung alangkah ruginya. membiarkan tarbiyah-Nya berlalu begitu saja.

dah lama sangat hidup 'bersendiri'. sungguh. sudah lama. seakan terlupa akan 'kerja' itu. lama benar menyepi diri. kenapa? sibuk kononnya. sibuk apa? ah. cukup-cukuplah beralasan wahai diri. cukup!

satu persatu perkara datang 'menyerang' diri ini. terlalu banyak mutiara kehidupan untuk dikutip andai saja diri ini benar-benar memikirkan.

bukan saja sekadar berfikir, namun berfikir untuk bertindak. bukan sekadar berkata, tapi perbuatan menyusul kata-kata. namun perlunya kata-kata itu agar kata-kata tersebutlah yang akan kembali menampar diri ini dikala dia leka dan lena dengan 'kesibukan dunia'.

'sendiri'.
ya. terasa seakan diri 'tersisih' tanpa disengajakan.

tapi itu bukan yang utama.

the point that play in my mind at the time being, bilakah kali terakhir kita letakkan akhirat sebagai matlamat hidup?

'saya heran bila orang kejar studi. yang terlihat studi yang diutamakan atas segala-galanya padahal studi tu patut digunakan sebagai alat untuk mencapai matlamat'

matlamat yang lebih tinggi

yang utama

'not finding the best but be the best to get the best.'

itulah kata-kata yang terucap pada sahabatku.

bukan mencari yang terbaik tapi kita jadi yang terbaik untuk kita dapat yang terbaik.

soal hidup. soalnya segala di tangan Tuhan yang menentukan. namun kita punya bahagian untuk berusaha.

'apalah sangat dunia ni. kita cuma kena sabar kejap je lagi. agak2 dalam 60 tahun je. lepas tu syurga. kekal abadi. selama2nya..'

'kalaulah semua orang fikir matlamat pasal akhirat, dia takkan buat benda yang tak bagi manfaat pun untuk dia time kat akhirat nanti. mesti benda yang dia nak buat tu semua benda yang boleh bagi benefit masa kat akhirat.'

kalau iman kita iman yang benar, tak akan ada lagi jalan2 tanpa arah, tak ada lagi jalan2 saja2, baca novel suka2, cakap2, borak2 pasal orang itu ini,

tak mungkin. kenapa?

sebab kita sendiri tau, benda tu semua takde faedah. yang hanya bagi kita kesukaan utk dunia je.

baca novel suka2, borak2 kosong, jalan2 yg saja2, boleh buat amal ke? yang boleh bawak sampai ke syurga?

kenapa syurga?

kalau benarlah kita beriman dengan syurga dan neraka. prinsip keimanan yg terterap sejak kita ucap syahadah.

senang sekali hidup kita ni tersasar. tersasar dari kehidupan yang punya tujuan yang jelas.

kenapa boleh fokus studi, kenapa payah nak fokus dalam solat? boleh fokus tengok movie, baca manga tapi benda yang boleh dekatkan diri dengan Tuhan lebih suka untuk ditinggalkan.

itulah dunia yang melalaikan. indah pada pandangan. namun hakikatnya terlalu hina. hakikat yang hanya difahami oleh mereka yang merenung dan berfikir yang mahu mengambil pelajaran.

peristiwa minggu lepas memang seakan menyentak diri ini.

'don't you read? it's all written there. you should read before you come'
'she can't read the advertisement.'

pang! ibarat satu tamparan menghinggap. pedas. lebat.

saat pulang aku terfikir. kalaulah Allah cakap macam tu kat time kat akhirat nanti kat manusia.

'hey don't you read? I have write all the guidance. It's all written there. Can't you READ?'

mamat tu marah kat aku sebab benda yang dah terang tertulis jelas. tapi aku tak baca. (aku baca je cuma aku tak ingat. n dia assume aku tak baca.)

agaknya kalau Allah? I can't even comparelah Allah dengan manusia. surela tak sama. tapi to me cukup satu tamparan.

terdiam malu.

Allah bagi akal untuk berfikir.
Allah bagi mata untuk melihat.
Allah bagi lidah untuk berpesan.
Allah bagi hati untuk menilai kebenaran.

'kerja kita ni kena sebarkan'

'sejauh mana sudah hidup kita ni menyumbang kepada islam?'

'awak cuba fikir, awak hidup ni ada kesan kat orang lain tak? kalau awak ada apa kesan, kalau awak takde apa kesan?

sungguh rugilah kalau hidup awak ni langsung takde bagi kesan kat orang lain'

betul.
sejauhmana hidup kita ni dapat bagi kesan pada orang lain, pada dunia yang kita hidup ni sebelum kita mati tinggalkan semua?

sejauh mana?

renung2, fikir2kan. tindak2kan.

Wallahu'alam
Wallahu musta'an.

55 Centre AVe
3:43 AM Khamis 24 Jun

It's a climb

Hang In There..its the climb!

Whatever it is you do in life,
Try to remember that nothing is too big to achieve
And nothing is too small to ignore,
Hang on in there, even if it's with the last thread,
It is well.

You may be on life's path
Not having an idea how and when you'll get there,
The most important thing is that you have a sense of direction,
All you have to do is to take each step one at a time,
And you'll get there.

The idea behind life is about meeting people,
The beauty of life is loving people,
The essence of life is about making impacts,
The joy of life is leaving footprints in the sands of time.

Have a wonderful relationship with God,
And know where he wants to place you in life to function,
For without him,
You are nothing.

On your journey through life,
Absorb everything you hear,
But choose what you want to believe.


just hang in there..
it is all about the climb
climbing towards success
in the world and hereafter..
accept obstacles as trials
release the burden with hope and effort
walk along the journey with faith in Him..
you will be strong
even if u dun like something
it might be good for u
its all about fate and faith
=)

shared by ukhti Huda @ Facebook. (Jazakillahu khoyr.

Antara koma ataupun NOKTAH.

musim luruh itu

dedaunan akan luruh

segala teka-teki akan terjawab

antara simbol koma ataupun noktah

I wonder ...

Bismillah...

in life there are things just not going the way you think they will

there are always things that you can do and things that you are unable to do

things that you have so much passion and STRENGTH

and things that you need to find yourself, push yourself and build up the strength

i wonder

for some time

why should we 'waste' much time pushing ourself

to get the strength

instead of we actually already have those strength in ourself

in our real PASSION

indeed, this life would not end up just like we think

indeed, in this life there are so much other things that we may never discover

perhaps we had just close the chances get to know the chances

chances are, we never lose any chances as long we stil ALIVE.

alive in a way that our heart and spirit are alive.

no matter how hectic and eccentric this life is,

indeed the life itself is a gift.

a gift from God, to be appreciated.

if you 'fail' for now, thats not the end of the world

as to be real, there's no such a failure.

you are learning.

Everyday you are learning.

(thanks to Julia for saying this words to me)

learning throughout the journey.

and your journey of life just begin

at the moment you start to feel the 'failure'

as failure means you are doing something.

Something that maybe not enough for you to excel.

Indeed, in this life, nothing to be worried. no matter how sucks your life might be.

(i.e dropout, fail exams/course),.

you are the loser, if you don't have iman with you

- Sh. Muhammad Al-Shareef

Indeed, Allah has make this life for us to show EFFORT.

Thats all what is needed.

Not how much effort that be counted, indeed as long as it is AN EFFORT.

A SINCERE EFFORT.

Only to Allah we may rely on.

No matter how bad or how good we make the effort,

Allah already has prepared much things for us.

In the end, why should we worry much about this world?

Keep on thinking what has come to me lately,

reflecting and pondering, accessing the 'fear' ,

I made up myself to be fearless other than Allah.

Trying to make my fear only for Allah not the other things.

Life has nothing much to worry about.

As being told by our Prophet PBUH,

whether it is good or bad that come to us, there are always something good in it.

@everjihad: Maybe this Hadeeth can help:
Suhaib reported that Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) said: Strange are the ways of a believer for there is good in every affair of his and this is not the case with anyone else except in the case of a believer for if he has an occasion to feel delight, he thanks (God), thus there is a good for him in it, and if he gets into trouble and shows resignation (and endures it patiently), there is a good for him in it.

(Sahih Muslim, Bk 42, Number 7138)

(thanks a lot for the person that keep on telling me the same hadith over and over again.

The same person, the same hadith.Jazakallahukhoyr.)

Indeed this hadith really means to me.

Keeps on reminding me to keep on having a firm belief.

Significant enough to say,

indeed the only thing we need to do after we realized the mistake we did,

repent,

regret,

stop doing the same mistakes,

leave the sins

and try get better.

and indeed it's really mean to me

when my cousin once said to me,

as a true muslim,

in real we only have 2 choices.

Either you choose GOOD or BETTER.

bad will never accounted as one of the options.

Indeed, I agree with her.

I want to keep telling myself, I am a believer.

I have Him by my side no matter what happen in this world.

I know who I am. And He know who am I.

Deep inside me that will never ever able being judged by HUMAN.

Indeed only Him.

Therefore, again, I only should fear His judgement on me more than others.

May Allah make me firm and make me strong

for this upcoming days which each day really a turning point of my life.

Each day that will determine the next chapter of my life.

Each day that may bring me to other stages of life.

Only to Allah I leave the matter.

Indeed I am human that have so much weakness, imperfect, and has the limit.

With Him, I have nothing to worry.

Keep moving on.

you have such a beautiful life.

Leave the past behind.

You can't change what you have done in your past.

But as for now, you can only keep on trying.

Always.

Crazy moment of thinking

inspiration! stay warm! stay cool!

Dear Qurratulain Dear myself, Dear Diary.. Dear Allah..
alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah. My hearts start to beat better now.

ada je terfikir, is this what I really want to do in my life?

What I want in my life? of course other than seeking and gaining Allah's bless. I'am thinking of how I want to shape my life with what I want, what is needed, what is important..

yeah..of course seeking of knowledge is essential indeed. I'm not denying that.

but..

going to lecture, tutorial, have tonnes of reading, assignments and essay to work on.

how I may stay with this life in the next couple of years??

if I dont acknowledge and recognize and say to myself.

This is what I want to do. and this will be my way..

searchin for which road to take in this life, is indeed really critical.

i used to think, supposed i be here? What I mean is supposed I studying at University of Toronto, in Canada, studying history, politics, economics, psychology and so on

is this what I want to do in my life?

I don't know. I just follow what Allah shows me and trusting the decision that I ever make is also with His will, therefore I am here.

fuhh..

self-crisis I would say.!

in a way getting twenty..

while the need in determining my way of life..conducting my own way of this precious life..

Determining what is IMPORTANT to me and also to other people, and what is not.

how important of this thing over something.

How a decision and action that I make today might affect what is tommorow.

day by day..somehow this question trigger me day by day.

I also thinking, will i stop doing what I want to do because of my fear of failure? why should let that fear stop you from doing things that you want to do in life. The chances are always once. I knew this life if we dont grab the opportunity now, perhaps we will miss it and never see it anymore in future.

But by thinking of this, also give me somehow a problem which I afraid of losing the chance. I always see the chance to do all the good things until I found myself somehow pre-occupied and need to consider which is much important to me. But then, I realize there are something can wait and there are something that will never have the second chance. Just like to think, at least if I die, how can the deed I did today may bring me to pass the sirotul mustaqim or at least help me in akhirat..

when thinking this, keeping balance of choices that I have to make day by day, make me realize and always want to realize and keep on making my goal of akhirat and jannah the most important thing in a decision. not even neglecting what I 'supposed' to do, but just try to turn on the other side that I need to be aware of. How busy am I, I should not make my eyes blind what happening around me. what if I die today, what have I done as a bekal (preparation) for my kampung akhirat?? I this deed can somehow give a guarantee and help me out when the day of judgement occured?


Thinking of this, really make my decision become more wise than before. Not only thinking the benefit of this world for the future but thinking of something that I believe is certain.

itulah hakikat IMAN.

kadang2 selalu terlupa je pasal rukun iman, apa yang patut diimani, n apa yang kita berimankan. the very basic thing indeed really crucial.

well somehow this morning I am thinking and pondering of something else too.

Hm...
why I always get low mark?

I knew I work hard but but hardwork in university i really a waste if it is not efficient and productive.

What is efficient?

Tell me what is efficient? I knew what that's word mean but I cant pun my words better that what I'm thinking in my head.

ahha. what I'm ranting.

okay this not really my point here. my point is, I want to say that I'm thinking all the way to campus

hmm..maybe one of the factor is because I dont really engage with all those subjects. I do feel it is important of my course - (social science, international relations) but I don't feel so connected. What should I do? Maybe I found it is not really pick my interest much. Yeah..learning about something that so abroad. Oh..if I'm not that interest maybe I should do something else..

erm..maybe if let say anything happen, i just go back my country and study about my religion deeper..aha.i used to think just went to pondok2. jadi budak pondok..I am always find myself interested with religion..

BUT..

hey come on..why u need to feel give up so early?

you are already here.
and you have choose your way here.

why you still keep thinking

oh..maybe i should accept my DQ(darul quran) offer last two years..
and be what i want to be..huffaz the whole quran and the be something something..

neh. remember this is such a ridiculous thought that setan really want to bother u.

come one. remember this one hadis rasulullah not encouraged to use the word 'maybe' with something that had past.

why when you find your life getting harder and you feel you want to run away. in fact, those kind of thing will never make you any better.


just now I have appointment at writing centre. express myself, address my problems in getting started working on ESSAYS.

and when I get to talk with her, I found like. .WOW..

I getting interested to know more about this world, about history, about politics ..I can see how important and crucial for me to really study and work harder on this course.

When she start to brainstorm some ideas that I should consider and look upon. For example some of the questions that related to my research on an analysis the significance of a major peace treaty to international systems.

She start giving me some questions. Brain storiming. I chose treaty of versailles.

and here some question that have change my passion and I found myself getting more interested to know and seek the answer!

Try to think of how the process of the treaty in making?
you can try see the world map and look what happen before 1919 and after 1919
how all those territories and the other part of the world was divided ?
how the treaty change the world ?
how world being divided.
for example,

might be you can see whether there is change in ur country,

Malaysia before 1919 and after 1919.
who has the power?
Why they want to divide the world with that certain way?

You can look on europe and maybe can ask ur TA which should be focus on. Either on europe or you can also include other part of the world.

For example, before 1919 ottoman empire the territory is almost the east part. but what happen after 1919. how this treaty has changed the world. See what has comfe from this treaty that make some country exist for today.

memang superb ah..

bila dia sebut pasal ottoman empire. uish..ISK..berdegup kencang plak ati aku dengar. sure r aku nak tau..

so, to conclude my point, erm.kadang2 kita nak je something. tapi kita jumpa benda lain. kita tak tau benda tu kita minat ke tak. tapi kita tak reject mentah2 n tak jugak ikut rasa nak buat benda yg kita nak buat je. kita ikut apa peluang yg kita dapat. makanya, nak kata, explore la peluang2 yg ada. jgn biar peluang yg ada tu tertutup dek kerana kita rasa mungkin kita patut jadi apa yg kita betul2 nak jadi..sebab..kita tak tau apa yang terbaik tuk kita. at the end of the day, sbnrnya kita tak tau pun apa yg kita tak minat tu sbnrnya benda tu jauh lagi baik n suit dgn hati kita yg sebenar-benarnya..

sbb juz sharing ape yg ku rasa. aku ada je terpk,,mcm..ape aku nak buat belajar benda2 ni. nanti nak keje ape. tak nampak bayang2..dah tu belajar benda2 ni apa yg aku bleh dpt n sumbangkan..

but at last, aku dapat satu pahaman..ko xya risau2 nanti nak jadi ape, in future tu kita bukan tau. n tak bleh nak plan pun future camne. apa yg penting skang, belajar je benda yg rasa2 boleh bg manfaat to make a difference in future. faham sejarah. learnt the lesson. belajar politik, tgk cara org tadbir negara. belajar psycho, tengok camne kesan pemikiran ke atas tindakan seseorang, tgk camne cara org berfikir dipengaruhi dgn faktor2 yg ada. belajar ekonomi..? hmm.aku still tgh cari passion kenapa aku kena belajar ekonomi. even kelas ekonomi la paling aku lemah. haprak tak paham. tapi subjek ni plak yg aku skor. ajaib betol . teringat aku masa sekolah rendah dlu..kelas ustazah hasbiah. ajar bahasa arab. bukan aku paham sangat apa dia ajar lagi2 ajar macam garang je. tapi kelas dia ar aku skor. hmm..ada kaitan dgn berkat tak? tapi kelas econ tak nampak pun..kelas politik, maunya aku cuba struggle nak paham tapi exam kantoi gak. -_-

teringat pasal semalam. semalam dalam tekanan jiwa, aku rasa jiwa aku mula bebas, bila satu persatu blog-blog aku singgah mencari kekuatan dalaman. dari blog awin, ke blog kak tiqah, ke blog adik dia, then ke blog hilal asyraf, ..ada blog2 lain jugak. ada saja mesej2 yg tersirat yang aku pelajari. satu benda yg aku suka, aku sangat suka akan peringatan. suka nak dekat dengan orang2 yang Ingat Tuhan, ingatkan pasal Alam akhirat ingatkan balik apa yang kekal. baru aku tersedar, aku sekarang ni dalam ujian. sume benda yg susah2, n rasa berat, payah, perit...ha ni r namanye ujian! ayoyo..camne r bleh terlupa. bila da teringat, dapat pulak ayat2 pengasih..teringat pasal tarbiyah..huhu...

lately, after secra telusnya buat curahan hati dengan semut2, aku terasa mcm..ntahla. mcm2 perasaan yg best aku dapat. seronok bc cerita semut2 yg jugak berkongsi rasa. memang berkongsi rasa tu signifikan sangat. bercakap dgn org, dari hati..sungguh mengesankan jiwa. nangis je bila baca. tersentuh. TT_TT..sebut pasal nangis, teringat post hilal asyraf pasal menangis kerana Allah. betul2 satu peringatan. entah bila r aku last nangis2 kerana Allah. takut amalan tak ckup. rasa diri hina. huu..selalu tak terasa pun diri ni hamba giler2. rasa biasa2. mungkin hanyut ngan dunia tak ingat kampung akhirat.

terpukul gak baca kisah2 sahabat. Alangkan rasulullah yg maksum, suci giler xde dosa tu pun MENANGIS. kita spe nak bandingkan dgn rasululah?? ckp sket.. kita ni siapa???

dosa bertimbun menggunung kott. kalau tak sedar diri lagi, tak tau la. tapi terasa insaf kejap. harap insaf ni, mengesankan jiwa pastu membuahkan amal n tindakan. tak hilang n lupa camtu je. sbbtu perluny peringatan. mmg peringatan tu betul2 bermanfaat bagi org beriman. sbb tu kena kuatkan diri utk sama2 kuatkan org lain jgk. suke r post hilal pasal cinta gak. ntah camne bleh terbaca. now baru paham skop bercinta dalam islam. oh sungguh sweet. kita sayang dia, nak bawak dia masuk syurga sama2 dgn kita. cinta kita cinta yang suci. sampai boleh tembus nak bawak ke pintu gerbang syurga. kalau kita tau kita nak cinta yg suci tu, mestila kita nak pelihara cinta kita tu dari ternoda..tak nak ade kotor2 n daki y melekat. by jauhi apa yg terlarang oleh Allah.

bila direnungkan dgn mendalam, baru dapat mesej dia. rupanya saya pernah jatuh cinta..rasa nak n sayang org tu smp nak selamatkan dia n tunjuk jalan yg boleh bawak kita ke syurga..sblum ni tak sedar yg itu dinamakan cinta.

hmm..bila paham, memang cinta tu best la. bagi power. baru faham kenapa ada fitrah cinta tu. kalau bukan sebab cinta, kita tak rasa nak dekat dgn org tu. kalau bkn sebab cinta, kita mungkin tak hirau pun pasal org tu. tapi bila teringat org tu n nak dia sama2 ngan kita sama2 nak pegi syurga, baru kita hirau n kongsi apa2 je yg kita rasa dpt smpaikan kita dgn dia ke syurga. indah nya..so sweet babeh. i like it.thanks Allah for give me something precious and worth to think about n feel in.

aku ada gak dalam jalan2 terpk..

how can we run from doin mistake again and again?

manusia tu mmg xbleh larikan diri dari buat silap. mesti ada je silap dia kat mana2. tapi org kata, as long we learnt, and not keep the same mistake. but what about if we tend to keep on doing the same thing again and again?

soalan retoric..

ok..my pen should off.

tak larat da nak meluah rasa..
shud start working on my research..

to my dear buddies..
do keep praying for me ya..
love u all for the sake of Him..

ma'assalam.

I want to be PRODUCTIVE like her

Hari ni hari Selasa.

12.01.2010.- minggu ke-2, Semester ke-2

terasa macam nak tulis ala2 journal plak.

Cepat betul masa berlalu. MasyaAllah! Apa aku dah buat untuk baiki diri selama ni? Have I improve anything? I wish I did. even so I feel I don't really progress much and become productive person. ok2..start from now on, I always make my mind, I MUST CHANGE MYSELF. I must become better in any way, and anything I did.

Fokus! Attention! Post ni, sekadar suatu luahan secara rambang terhadap pemerhatian, pemikiran aku buat masa ni.

Apa aku buat harini?

apa aku dapat belajar +inspirasi hidup harini?

1. Apa aku dah buat hari ni?

* datang kelas psychology,

* ikut meeting blood drive,

* pergi lecture time management,

* datang jugak kelas econs walau tinggal 35 minit je lagi nak habis. (memang prinsip aku yg susah nak bagi diri ponteng kelas. no matter what the reason n how late am i. pernah je pegi kelas tutorial, yang tinggal lagi 15 minit je nak habis. at one point, memang tabiat buruk la. tak tepati masa. but try to look at the bright side at least, semangat cintakan kelas/ majlis ilmu. )

cuba untuk positif, hari ni adalah benda yang lebih baik dari semalam. Tak tido dalam kelas kecuali 25 minit yang terakhir tu terlelap kejap. Nasib ada member kat sebelah gerakkan. Ada baiknya ada kawan yang memang kenal kita. Thanx julia for touch me. If not maybe I will be sleeping beauty lol.

ada la sikit improvement dari semalam. ya Allah..

tahap mengantuk yang tak tahan kot. kelas politik, tido. tutorial history, cover2 tido sambil menulis.(kidding myself not being attentive. my bad). lecture history, setengah jam pertama, terlelap lagi. huhu. segan jugak seh. dah la duduk baris depan pulak. aduhai. jatuh saham. tapi apakan daya.

tapi, tak boleh biarkan,kan? imej as a muslim jugak kan. tak produktif gitu. oh. takbleh2. tak boleh biar melarat.selalu jugak fikir2, kenapa mudah terlelap dalam kelas ni?

antara faktor penyumbang mengantuk bila dengar talk,

- not feel connected

- tak faham sangat apa cikgu cakap. sama ada apa dia cakap tak paham atau paham apa dia cakap, tapi tak dapat tangkap apa yang dia tengah cakap. alih2, rasa cikgu tu syok sendiri, dan aku pun syok dengan 'dunia' aku.

- tak prepare.

totally all is my own faults basically. know the stuff. things that should be done, but somehow it much easier think, said than done. apa2 pun kena jugak usahakan as that the only way to survive and excel.

habis kelas, pegi bahen. bayar hutang. makan sushi. beli choc cookie n apple danish n choc sneeker believe. inspired plak nak makan benda2 yg nampak mcm inspired nih.

then solat zohor. lepas solat zohor, hati terasa nak pergi uoft bookstore. memang dah lama simpan hasrat nak beli something for family. n membeli belah la aku. lama jugak memilih. buah tangan buat keluarga. usai je pilih memilih, mikir memikir, bayar membayar, elok pulak timing dia, terdengar orang iqamat utk solat asar. joinla jemaah. usai solat asar, ke multifaith centre pulak untuk interfaith meeting interfaith untuk kendalikan program menderma darah hujung bulan ni.

kali pertama aku ikut meeting MSA (Muslim Student Association). lagi pulak interfaith. sebelum ni ada jugak macam interfaith discussion but that more to religion. kali ni berbeza dari segi penglibatan berbeza jenis orang. aku kebanyakannya diam je dalam mesyuarat tu. tak banyak buah fikiran atau pendapat yang mampu nak lontarkan. ikut je flow. tapi aku cukup kagum la dengan ahli2 mesyuarat. dengan izin Allah, aku rasa inspirasi bila tengok sorang non muslim ni. tengok dia ni, periangnya. suka tengok dia senyum. dari gaya dia, memang nampak she looks smart lady. dari gaya dia cakap, cara dia susun apa dia nak cakap. tengok jugak muslim yang ikut mesyuarat tu sekali, kagum jugak.

I feel inspired when I look at them and try to compare myself with them. Oh man..I feel I left much behind. and I just thinking, in real world, job market, they are type of person that people always wanted. Know how to conduct meeting, organizing thoughts and ideas, and so on, those are skills which you cant get it in the textbook! Seriously I feel, quite bad for those that only go to university, go to class, without trying to participate themselves in extra curricular activities. I'm looking at myself for that. How I have waste the golden opportunity to enrich myself with something precious and valuable for the future.

ruginya kalau masa yang ada ni, tak guna betul2. ruginya kalau masa yang ada terleka dengan hiburan yang tak bagi manfaat. rugi..tapi kadang2 terjebak dengan kerugian jugak. hati kadang2 rasa sayang sangat. contoh terdekat depan mata.

When I look herself, I wish I can be like her. I want to be dynamic as her. A productive person, indeed. Yes. I must be what a real muslim should be. Sahabat-sahabat nabi dulu, even Nabi sendiri pun seorang yang sangat-sangat aktif, bukan? Kalau mengaku kita ikut ajaran Nabi, kenapa tak contohi sifat-sifat Nabi. Sayang sekali mengaku islam, mengaku Allah sebagai Tuhan, tapi hakikat diri masih belum benar mengertikan, menterjemahkan segala pengakuan dalam hidup.

Harap ini bukan cakap2 je. Satu inspirasi buat diri sendiri.

Aku terfikir jugak, apa yang aku dapat selama aku di negara orang ni? Apa yang aku dapat belajar selain 'belajar' secara formalnya? Sangatlah ruginya kalau peluang yang diberi tak dimanfaatkan sepenuhnya.

Kadang-kadang sedih jugak bila melihat fenomena 'poya-poya'. Tapi tengok balik dalam diri sendiri, banyak jugak benda yang masih senget lagi. Jadi, tak boleh asyik tengok orang lain. Kena selalu tengok diri sendiri. Kenapa? sebab orang lain pun adalah cerminan diri kita sendiri. Nampak orang lain macam senget, sebenarnya kita sendiri dah tersenget lebih dari orang lain. Satu peringatan jugak buat diri.

Aku kagum tengok orang-orang yang aktif berorganisasi ni. Kagum, macamana diorang semua ni urus masa? Aku memang kadang-kadang macam geram jugak kat diri sendiri sebab selalu jugak fail bab time management. Aku tengok masa mesyurat yang sebelah aku tu, muslim brother 2nd year student. Dalam hati.. wah dia ni baru 2nd year. tapi dah terlibat dengan macam2 program. agaknya kalau aku dah tahun kedua nanti(kalau rezeki panjang, insyaAllah), bleh jadi macam dia tak? Kadang2 ada masa, aku rasa aku belum cukup matang. Bila tengok orang lain yang dah lalui, n buat macam2. Aku rasa aku ni mentah bila tengok orang hebat2. ada masa, aku rasa, aku perlukan 'booster' untuk aku rasa tanggungjawab dengan hidup. Entah kenapa hidup aku kadang2 macam tak de rasa komited yang tinggi. Apakah sebab faktor persekitaran? Faktor teman sepergaulan?

senang cakap, tak payah point orang atau benda lain, point diri sendiri. Tak cukup sifat-sifat jati diri. Kadang-kadang ada terfikir, apakah aku perlukan 'booster' itu, baru dapat rasa tanggungjawab? Apakah hidup aku dapat jadi lagi baik dari segi pengurusan diri dan hidup,kematangan, etc..? tapi sebenarnya, apa2pun diri sendiri jugak. kalau ada booster macamana sekali pun, kalau sendiri tak kuat, tak jugak ter'boost'.

Berbalik pada kekaguman aku, bila jumpa orang orang yang hebat ni meman gsecara tak langsung, menghebatkan diri jugak untuk cuba jadi hebat macam mereka. Moga inspirasi ni tak mati di sini sahaja.

2. APa yang aku dapat belajar +inspirasi hidup harini?

Belajar teknik mengurus masa dengan bijak.

belajar cara orang kendalikan mesyuarat.

Belajar, yang sebenarnya akademik tu bukan segala-galanya.

Perlukan penglibatan dengan komuniti untuk dapatkan kemahiran yang takde dalam buku teks!

Hari ni aku ada terbaca pasal sorang art sci student, yang dapat biasiswa belajar ke Oxford. dapat inspirasi jugak bila terbaca kisah2 orang hebat ni. Nama org tu, Erin. Student 4th year International Relation and Political Science. Dia memang hebat. Hebat dalam debat, pastu wakil untuk Karate. Dia kata, karate ajar dia untuk fokus n seimbangkan antara belajar dengan aktiviti luar.

4 tahun. aku terfikir. kejap je sebenarnya. dapat ke aku hebatkan diri?

Hebat dalam erti kata, pengurusan diri. Siapa yang hebat dapat urus diri, aku percaya urusan hidup dia pun akan punya kesan.

saatnya aku terfikir jugak masa di hujung waktu usai solat isyak, 3 persoalan utama as a muslim.

1- dari mana kita datang

2- kemana kita akan pergi

3. untuk apa kita hidup?

saatnya aku merenung, akhirnya akhirat itu jua yang lebih baik dari kehidupan di dunia.

Dunia ni tempat sementara. Tiada yang kekal. Nafas yang ada, tiba masa akan ada penghujungnya. dapatkah diri menuju syurga yang diimpi? kadang2 rasa kerdil je.

bila terfikir tujuan hidup yang utama.

-untuk ibadah

-sebagai khalifah

tertimbul hasrat nak didik mujahid jadi khalifah. tugas itu pasti berat. kena didik diri dulu. nak anak sehebat Sultan Muhammad Al-Fateh, umminya mesti jauh lagi hebat.

wah. terjauhla pulak fikir.

Lately, I don't know why I always terserempak dengan blog-blog married student. + not only married but with kid. Seriously, I always admired and saluted them. Its will never be easy. But I believe those are one them surely believe in Him more than others.

as BELIEF can make a change and difference.

Wallahu'alam. He knows the best,

Yet, now it's time to change.

I'm almost turning 20!

Seriously just can't believe it.

Live this life lovely, committed, and responsible.

O Allah,

please always purify my heart and intention in anything I do.

Please strengthen my heart to live like what I supposed to

Dont let me far away from You

Dont let me astray from the sign that come from You

Make myself always conscious of You

Make myself a better person as I always want to

which is live this life the best I can to present to You

O Allah The Almighty

Let my heart always sincere for You

Show me the way to be close to You

You are the only one that I worship to

Time for ownself

Do we know our Lord?

Ama Zilna

I just found this song unintentionally at the You Tube. I really love this song. Instead of having such a very good message, it really sooth my soul. Each words, really mean! Hope you guys love it just like how I love it so much. (but I guess it's not gonna be the same way, right?)

Ama Zilna

Approaching God with our hearts

No fear nor grief for whom He guides

His rope is strong and will never waver

His provision is there for all who are in need

In every place, at every time

Above you is The Glorious Care-taking Lord

In every place, at every time

You have a Lord who loves you and will never forget you

Do we know our Lord?

Do we see our Lord's blessings?

Do we know our Lord?

Do we thank Him?... or have we forgotten..

that His servants... we are

In His Dominion we exist for as long as He wills

And we call upon His bounty through prayer

And seek His favors through hope

For He is our refuge when difficulty strengthens its hold

In every place, at every time

Above you is a Glorious Care-taking Lord

In every place, at every time

You have a Lord who loves and will never forget you

Do we know our Lord?

Do we see our Lord's blessings?

Do we know our Lord?

Do we thank Him?... or have we forgotten..

that His servants... we are

My heart is Allah's

My soul is Allah's

My wealth is Allah's

Here the lyric's in Arabic > link 1

p/s: If you like this song, why not share it with other people? May spreading good words can be considered as sedeqah which part of amal jariah, insya Allah. Jazakumullahu khoyr ^_^

The Meaning of IMAN

alhamdulillah..

subhanaAllah

masyaAllah.

A pleasure..

A pleasure to meet muslim community.

Meet brothers and sisters because of Allah. and gain something that I don't ever expected.

MasyaAllah. Subhanallah. Alhamdulillah. All praise to Him.

I got something that really hit my heart at last. the only thing in my mind, when i stepped out my feet, and I choose to step out only one thing, one hope. By this step, I can gain bless from Him.

hey, i still can choose other thing to do, but why still i'm doing it? still the 'other thing' is still can have a bless from Him if the sake doing it for Him.

not here for argue it, but i'm thinking, it seems He is calling me to be closer to Him in other way around.

plus, I'm not thinking much in a way to step out. In my mind, I know I have task that need to be completed. Assignment that need to be done and at the same time, there is like a call for me to go. Between this two good things, how I make a choice? Based on what, I choose to be my step.

And this make me strong and shape myself and mylife with what I believe in. Assignments, study, yes its part of life but still I don't want to make my life so dull which like 'no life'. I know it is important, but there are also other thing that actually more important. but still, I'm not to argue with what I believe as everyone deserve to believe what they want to believe for themselve.

I choose to believe this because this what I want to believe as it make sense to me. In the sense is that to me, 'the worldly thing' will never ending. It will come to you on and on. It will never finish.

Reason for 'busy' can always be yours if you want to. Here, I finally got something mean. It such a precious gift that I couldn't express by word and it's only deep inside that I want He to know, how I feel so thankful to have 'it' as something that it precious and not worth like others.

That is iman. That is islam.

What I'm searching for?

I'm searching for iman, I'm searching for islam, I'm searching for Allah.

What I believe, iman is not come to you by itself without an effort. You need to search for it. Only by doing that, you will get back what you give in. That will be a resulf from mujahadah which means for struggle + preserve.

and today, I have the sense that I learnt something on this earth.

something that I enjoyed doing it,

something that I feel passion in it.

Islam is my passion. which I will not stop searching for it even it needs me to sacrifice my life, my world.

However, don't get it wrong. Islam don't ask you exactly to sacrifice everything. But in term of iman, I believe that you will let go of something(which could also replace the word of sacrifice), to have it.

Today, two things that I learnt about iman and islam.

What I learnt is, iman means to testify and verify everything that comes to you.

iman is not a blind faith. its not only a blind belief but it always keeps you to verify your belief.

for example, how one can believe in Allah? believe that this world has God. How one believe that the Quran is the word of God?

in stead of believe it, in what basis one believe in it?

iman that means testified, is after you testify what you believe in it will become your iman. (i'm not good in trying to explain this but mashaAllah one brother in the session that I attend just now explain it very very well. )

I leave those questions without an answer just to trigger people's mind.

On what basis that you believe in something?

the other thing is about lailaha illah.

the claim that we make, will only be accepted by Him, only if we really mean it . Understand it and fulfull the condition that required.

Syahadah that we claim, need submittance. It is not enough for you just say it but actually you are not believe in it. What makes you believe in it is your iman.

Otherwise, there's nothing that will make any difference in our belief. When you belief in something, it must make a difference from one that doesn't belief in the same thing like you. If you doesn't make any difference, then there's no difference between you and others and if that so, what on earth actually are you believe in if you not submitted to it and really mean it?

Fair enough. I feel like I make some points messed up but hopefully, at least it make sense to me and one that couldn't understand can always feel free to ask me for further explaination.

my action is always related with what I believe in. Because of I believe in it, it makes myself as what I believe in.

I don't want devote myself for this hasty world that yet I know its going to end and I know my life can meet the deadline in anytime. I know there things that required me to do, but I choose the way I want it to be. Believe keeps me always forward in everything. Therefore, I choose to have something that is not temporary.

One of the reason, I am here because I believe it. If not, I'm not going to be here. It can be somewhere else on this Earth. ( but of course there He one that makes me here but still I believe, 'belief' is part of it)

The reason I'm here also because of few reasons. and due to that reasons that drive me in make up my single action and decision even it seems uncommon or undesireable for others. but hey, who cares? Should I think what other people might thinking more for my own life?

Should be no one I want to please.

..

Yet, belief will always make my day as what I want believe in.

Alhamdulillah.

Thank you ya Allah.

Today I found the meaning of iman.

ya Allah. terima kasih kau pertemukan aku malam ini dengan ertinya islam dan iman.

Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah.

Hari Ini Dalam Sejarah 12 MAC

hari ni 12 Mac 2009
mengimbau kenangan silam setahun lepas
12 Mac 2008. pukul 12 tengahari.
masih ingat. 12 November SPM bermula. 4 november, kertas terakhir aku jawab, bahasa arab tinggi kertas 2. yang jawab sampai nangis2. tapi lepas habis jawab, awan yang aku pandang tulah awan yang paling aku suka dalam hidupku. sejuk memandang..hati lapang n tenang. perasaan lega tak terkira. ingat lagi dengan baju sekolah putih, tudung labuh putih, kasut hitam n kain biru..

ohh..zaman sekolah. rindunya..
tanggal yang sama. ada apa dengan hari ini?

yea..hari ini dalam sejarah.Result SPM keluar!!!

mengimbau kenangan aku..hoho..ingat lagi..dub dab dub dab dalam kereta dengan izlina.sahabat karib..n .dalam kereta. amik dgn mama. aku pakai baju kurung(baju raya) pink. dengan tudung labuh. (saje nk pakai tudung labuh) then dgn bag coklat bunga besar. hmm..tak tau patut rasa apa. sampai2 je. mcm da orang kurang. *(saje pergi lambat).
sampai perkarangan sekolah, dah nampak cikgu stand by kat tempat letak basikal. aku masa tu, takut nak amik. seminit sebelum cikgu bagi result, aku kecut. rasa nak nangis sangat2...takut..
sebab iz dah amik. aku da tak peduli apa dah. mama kat tepi. cikgu jalini merangkap cikgu kimia n guru kelas aku, tanya
" ha..Qurratul..awak target berapa?"
"aa..err...ermm..ntah..12..(walau pun tak rasa mcm dapat 12. tapi mmg lazim, aku target jarang rendah2..)"
" ha..tahniah..awak dapat 10."

aku macam tekejut.ya Allah. betul ke ape akud dengar nih.. 10? macam tak percaya. syukur terasa. walau jauh dari target aku(yang mmg angan melangit nak dapat 12 or 14)..
hmm dalam trial nk dpt 10 A tu mmg 'harapan' r. standard dapat 5. itu pun susah. biasa dapat 3-4 A. tapi aku mmg optimis SPM boleh dapat lebeh. based on experience lepas2..upsr, pmr, spm.
aku yakin, SPm pun tak kurang beza. sejarah pasti berulang!
Yeah..mengimbau kenangan silam..hidup punya suka duka.hari ni hatiku mendung. tapi mengenang kenangan silam, buat aku tersenyum sendiri. apalah nasib dak2 junior aku? hoho..tika ini, waktu ini, satu sejarah dalam hidupku..detik bermakna, dan detik kebahagiaan dan cabaran mengundang.

sekejap terasa masa beralih.
tup2 dah setahun.
satu tahun ni macam2 berlaku dlam hidup..

transisi kehidupan..
more to come after this..

My NEW Notebook!

Now I’m more free to express whatever I feel and thought! Oh..Well, now, I’m blogging and ‘diaring’ using my new laptop! Pinky laptop! Hoho..

Just bought from PC Fair. 2nd August ago..which means 2 weeks ago.

How much ?

RM 1999.

Brand :Ftec

Not a famous branded. but for me it is enough as long it is easy to carry to anywhere and it works so that i can do my work. That's the main purpose why i buy laptop!

PINKY!! actually, mula2 ak da amek da wane itam. n mmg reject r nak amik pink. but at last, b4 nak bayar tu, tetiba abang tanye aku, "tak nak amik pink ke?" haizz..aku pun usha2 r balik..otak aku sibuk menganalisa segala reason nape ak patut amik PINK? WHY PINK?

pastu, dptla aku simpulkan n simbolikkan dgn beli warna pink ni, i want to be outstanding. the striking color bring to extraordinary. yeah..n some more, guy usually wont take pink. normally it will be gurl stuff therefore, pink is special! rather than black. unisex. i love things tht special and unique. by the way, pink itself has it's own charisma and characters. I believe in that!

Aim for TORONTO!!!

I've to reach the Top 25 standard in the World!

adapted from Anas's Blog.

The cut-off point wouldn't really a big deal.

I've been in the ICPU for almost a month! Mr Wise had shared many things with us - in English 3U lesson. Learning media is a very interesting thing, yet very exciting even in a fidget mode. He was very serious.

"If you always do what you did, you will always get what
you got... If you don't change, you'll be the same forever,"

Mr Stephen Wise said.

"University of Toronto is the top 25th University in
the world. You have to raise up your standard to the top 25 in the
world," from the other speech of his.

"If you come that university, you will be in the bottom, if
you don't progress."

"Don't waste your time playing games, chatting!, or all the trash things," and again he said.

He said to be in top university in Canada, is to be in that top standard.

You are competing with the world. And, the cut-off point of 80 wouldn't really be a big deal then.

In media, we learnt about the truth democracy, the concern and everything. He also recommended reading at least a book in a month, and at least a media/journalist article a day, good media channel, like http://www.iht.com, www.nytimes.com

Meanwhile, next week, we'll have Chemistry test. That's too early test.

And, also, the presentation of Quadratic Function in the morning. I was bubbling around on the application, but it is really attractive presentation, though breaking the time rules, and talking nonsense.

Learning Java is great, this is some of the codes:

System.out.println("You will have a very wonderful life in ICPU, and we have prepared you well, said Mr frank Meeger");


p/s: I heard Mr. Adnan said to me that in Canada you still able to learn Arabic and interestingly, it can be accounted to your credit and curriculum. Oh, Really!!! Is this for real!! That's Great! I can't wait for that..I could be my dream to speak arabic all the time...

For english, I'm working hard on it..
Hard to understand the class here..TOTALLY ENGLISH...ergggghhhh...although the teacher trying to explain more to me, i couldnt understand better. Lecturer mane reti cakap Melayu..hua3...base melayu aku paham r..huhu..camne r kat canada nt..TT_TT

3rd Day in Taylor's

My First Class..

I feel quite tired today. I don't know why. Maybe because lack of energy. I dont get enough energy. That's why my body getting weak. Yah ..What I've eaten recently? Hmm.. i don't feel i eat PROPERLY. Just asal kenyang n tak mati lorr..T_T..i really want to budget my money, that's why it affected my food and sort of. I think, I have to take nasi once a day. Maybe that is the source of energy. But somehow, i don't know why, sometimes although i've ate but i don't feel kenyang. I don't know what's wrong. WHether is it i dont baca bismillah or what. but somehow, although i did it, still sometimes feel lapar after that. Hmm..maybe the food not so mengenyangkan. I'm not sure. MAybe i should see dietician..

And i feel like i want to see someone that know but balance diet. It's not i want to diet. But the most thing is i want to diet my pocket money. THat's the only thing. But somehow, i want to know what's the best solution or what's the way for me to cope with the life here. I want to save my money in the same time, i want to be energetic and have balance diet and get proper food to eat.

By the way, today i don't belanja ape2 pun as what i still remembered. I just eat potato bread. And when came back home, i eat bread with tuna and after wake up from asleep i take instant noodle. NO EXPENSES for today..but the effect is, i dont get proper eat. SO, maybe that's the reason why i feel really lembik today. Flat already on the bed.
Let see what i've eaten for today. In the morning, i just eat a potato bread with soya bean. Then, in the afternoon, i only eat potato bread again. Finish up the whole bread. IN the evening, i just eat bread with tuna. At night, i eat instand noodle. So, no expenses. ,,


So today, i want to talk about my first experience in the first class in Taylor's University College. Wel, today is really a test to everybody. Why? Because in the very early morning, almost at 6 i think, the weather has changed. IT started to rain and at 6.30 it completely become heavy rain with a strong wind. We move out from house almost 6.40 am. Today, i've wake up early in the morning. Almost 5.30am and i'm the first person that use the toilet. ^_^. I can't solat today. Maybe tomorrow i can.

Next we take the bus. Almost 7.05 we have reach the college. Maybe the journey takes only 20 minutes. As it is not really a heavy traffic like yesterday. I've some chat with my housemates after that in cafe. And i getting bored, as no interesting topic and i dont really know what to talk..so, i just hope i can leave them as soon as possible coz i dont really used to CHAT early in the morning. Tak biasa rasanye. I dont know i feel, that's not my life. Usually, early in the morning, should started with zikrullah..doa and so on. So, i feel like if i join them to chat n so on, ifeel i'm wasting my time for nothing. And feel strange if i don't start my day with anything related to Allah from the beginning of the day. Although i dont feel the same way consistently, as sometimes i dont feel anything if I skip the ma'thurat n doa subuh at home. But here i really feel something missing if i dont recite all that. So, after 10 minutes be with them, i ask to leave. I go and find my class. Oh yeah..today i wear tudung labuh in yellow and baju punjabi with black trousers. Hmm..i know, few people stare at me. Yeah..of course they do. Becoz what? no other reason la. just becoz of my tudung lbuh. quite labuh la. just like what i wear in usim and what i usually where. Although mama usually advice to me don't wear labuh2 at the college, but i tak makan saman. I dont' care. And, till now, i feel proud to be me. Feel happy. Yeah, in a second, sometimes, feel like 'terpinggir'. But I think, the one that makes you alone or tersisih is you yourself. Not other people. If you don't mix around, make new friends, no doubt you will be alone or feel like tersisih. But somehow, i don't really feel that, but in the same time, i dont really have many friends here. Everyone is new to me. And none of them that really suite me. I've found few that maybe sefikrah but then, i don't know why, i cant really 'masuk' or in line. I dont know..the attitude to be sejiwa is not there. Maybe sekepala = sefikrah. But i dont know, why there're not dekat di hati.. Just that kind of feeling.

So continue to story. Finally, i've found my class. Which is the first class is at D16. And the very first class was Individual Family. I am happy coz i'm the first person that enter the class. I use the time with reciting al-Ma'thurat. I'm not sure whether my voice is loud or not but as nobody there, i can hear my own voice very clearly and my voice bergema to the whole room. In the first class, there was Canadian teacher. His name is Mr. Colin Shafer from Toronto. He loves plant and environment. Allergic with math textbook, calculator and cellphones ringing. HE loves football and basketball also loves positive people. He has travelled a lot . What i got is, if you want to travel around, MAKE MONEY. and yet.. he really speak 'pure' or 'truly' english. With the slank that concentrated. I still can understood but then 10% from what he said I DON'T GET IT. TT_TT..

And you know what, I'm the only malay girl in the class and also i think the only muslim. IF i'm not mistaken as others more were chinese and few are indians. NExt, was Eng3U class. Miss Natalie Gaham. She was good. Loves to laugh. She really trying hard to pronounce all the names correctly but i know it is really hard for he. Especially my name. She really cant spell it. Pity to her, So, i just said call me with Ain. And i think almost everywhere or everytime, i have to get used people call me ain, instead of Qurratul. I think no more will call me by my fullname or Qurratul. Anything, will be AIN. so, i've to get use of it. Ain = Eye. Anything will be AIN!

Today's class is more to introduction. Next class was World Issue. Miss Elizabeth Christie. She is really beautiful. And, really slanked. Hmm..i'm getting sleepy actually if i dont get what the teacher said. Whey my attention is reduced, i will feel sleepy. YEt, i'm not sure, but i've yawn for few times..She started the class with a poem about 'if the world is small.." and this class quite interesting. She showed the moview of a cartoon that sang all the countries over the world. So cute. I like it. IN the previous class also, Miss Natalie showed her place which how was the Canada..and have the audio with a good music played. IN Mr Shafer class also, got slideshow. HE showed his place, his university, his life and the countries and place that he had go. So interesting. And i feel like i want to travel a lot after this. Being inspired with that slide.

After the English class, we have a break. And afterward, I have World History class with Mr. Hanna. Nice person. He hates late. Well, i think almost every class teacher hate late. So anything no excuses..should be EARLY. I think, if there anything that i want to ask, i can't ask right after class. I have to wait after 3.30 and see them out of the class time as i have class and they also have class after that. He wants Learning history is just to have a better living. Eager to know more bout Malaysia's culture. A curious person. Love to study. So, overall i don't know how to describe more about the class. As, i'm getting weaker for the last class. I dont know i dont feel energetic as early in the morning. Hmm..maybe i have to do something. To make sure this will not happen again..

Journey to Taylor College on the registration Day!

A lovely morning..Inspiration..

Abah Happy face in the morning while we are waiting for breakfast at Syed Restoran..

Here we go...!

Berkilat seh toiler dier...hoho..skang ni ntah da jadi ape dh..

My attire..ni baru 2/3...banyak gilerr baju aku bawak..

Casa Subang