let it GO

it just a few days a go I guess that I advised someone and share this quote

there are things that we don't want to happen

but have to accept

things we don't want to know

but have to learn

and people that we thought we can't live without

but have to let go

turns out it bounced to me back - the one that needed for now. The difference in my situation only that, it is not about people. 

I really have to LEARN to LET IT GO. one that I WANT and LOVE won't always be mine and won't always be and turns out like what I want. HE knows THE BEST what I NEED. Hopefully, all the miserable and nighmare won't border me much for upcoming semester.

ku mohon

bismillah.

astaghfirullah. astaghfirullah. astaghfirullah.


bila dah ditimpa kesusahan, baru tergelisah, baru ingat tuhan.
bila time senang, lapang, senang-senang je 'campak' Dia tu ntah kat mana-mana.

hu. siap boleh berehat bersenang lenang macam ber'cuti' sungguh dan terlupa banyak benda or tak endah banyak perkara padahal umat tengah tenat.

bila kena 'smash', alhamdulillah nasib Allah still kembalikan 'rasa'. rasa 'sakit' n terpukul.

sakit..
risau..
takut..
cuakk ..

bila dah terasa macam ni memang terus tak ingat yang lain. Ingat Dia je. sebab you know only He can help. Only HE.

saat ni, rasa nak marah kat diri sangat2. kenapa boleh senang sangat tumbang. tapi geram pun tak boleh buat ape since kubu dah terhancur. realitinya kena bina semula. nasib baik masih ada sisa-sisa serpihan batu-bata. dan masih ada lagi batu-bata untuk disusun.

ok this is emo. again. I'm just serabut. so much things in my head and so much things to do, to work on, to deal, to reply, to think of....bla bla bla..

okay. crap. astaghfirullah

credit lagu dendangan sheila majid. lirik boleh didapati di sini 

anak sheila sekarang mesti dah besar.. khalefa dgn khadeja. ala khalefa dulu jumpa pun dah boleh berlari..adik dia khadeja sekarang ni pun mest sure dah berlari dah. almost 2 years.,isk3.. dah lama tak jumpa dorang. maklang pun dah lama tak dengar khabar. huhu..   

really ku mohon.
ya Allah,
kurniakan aku kesabaran dan ketabahan.

serabut mode. #_#

Sebarkan Bahagia BERNIKAH

 

buat kamu yang masih belum berkenan di hatiku,

mari zero ikhtilat. 

buat kamu yang bakal bernikah nanti, 

berhati-hatilah dalam menjaga ikhtilat

yang kuharap
moga kesucian hati tidak dinodai 
moga sunnah nabi dapat kita contohi

moga cinta suci diperoleh bersama redha Ilahi

dipetik dari, Sebarkan Bahagia: TREND ‘TAQRABU AZ-ZINA’ SEBELUM BERNIKAH:
"Analogi Harimau dan Nyamuk .. "

Bayangkan seekor harimau dengan ganasnya menerkam masuk ke dalam rumah kita. Aummm!!! Gigi-giginya  menyeringai. Kuku-kukunya tajam mencengkam. Lalu, apa yang terjadi? Sudah tentu ada di antara kita yang bertempiaran lari, menjerit, bertakbir, menyorok di bawah katil, mengunci diri di dalam bilik mandi dan ada juga yang pengsan terus. Bayangkan pula seekor nyamuk terbang masuk ke dalam rumah kita.Nggg!!!Apa yang terjadi? Hmm, ia terbang bebas ke hulu, ke hilir.Ramai yang buat tidak hairan sahaja. Apalah yang perlu ditakutkan pada seekor nyamuk, hati berbisik. Cuma seekor.

Selalunya begitu, semua orang takut kepada perkara yang besar kerana ia kelihatan berbahaya namun tidak takut kepada perkara yang kecil. Sedangkan, jika ingin dibandingkan nisbah orang yang mati dibaham harimau dengan orang yang mati digigit nyamuk, mana lebih ramai?

Nyamuk-nyamuk Ikhtilat

Sms tanpa urusan, call tanpa urusan, dating tanpa mahram, chatting tanpa urusan dan bermacam-macam lagi bentuk fitnah komunikasi tanpa urusan antara lelaki dan perempuan bukan mahram adalah antara jalan-jalan menghampiri zina. Ia ibarat nyamuk-nyamuk ikhtilat yang boleh menjunamkan seseorang kepada penyakit berbahaya.


Teknologi tidak salah. Tapi manusialah yang suka menggunakannya dengan tujuan yang salah. Berurusan atau bermuamalat dengan lawan jenis menggunakan teknologi-teknologi ini bukannya salah. Tapi manusia suka menggunakannya untuk bergaul bebas atau berikhtilat.


Apa itu ikhtilat? Ikhtilat ialah pergaulan bebas antara lelaki dan perempuan yang bukan mahram tanpa urusan. Dalam Islam, asal pergaulan antara lelaki dan perempuan bukan mahram adalah haram, al-aslu fil ikhtilat haram.


Namun jika atas dasar urusan dan kerja, maka interaksi antara lelaki dan perempuan bukan mahram menjadi harus. Ia bukan dinamakan ikhtilat sebaliknya muamalat. Kaedah syarak tentang asal hukum muamalat adalah harus iaitu al-aslu fil muamalat mubah.

Apakah sebenarnya yang dimaksudkan urusan?
Urusan adalah sesuatu yang apabila kita bentangkan depan Allah SWT, kita yakin kita mampu jawab dan berhujah depan Allah bahawa ia adalah urusan, maka itulah yang dinamakan urusan. Jika hati masih berasa was-was samada ia suatu urusan atau tidak, maka berawaslah.

Sabda Rasulullah SAW,
عن النواس بن سمعان عن النبي قال: (( البر حسن الخلق. والإثم ما حاك في نفسك
وآرهت أن یطلع عليه الناس )). رواه مسلم. وعن وابصة بن معبد قال: (( أتيت رسول
الله e فقال: ( جئت تسأل عن البر؟ قلت: نعم. قال: استفت قلبك البر ما اطمأنت إليه النفس
واطمأن إليه القلب، والإثم ما حاك في النفس وتردد في الصدر وإن أفتاك الناس وأفتوك ))
حدیث حسن رویناه مي مسندي الإمامين؛ أحمد بن حنبل والدارمي بإسناد حسن.

Daripada al-Nawwas ibn Sam'aan r.a. daripada Nabi SAW baginda bersabda:

Kebajikan itu ialah keelokan budi pekerti dan dosa itu ialah apa yang tergetar dalam dirimu dan engkau benci orang lain mengetahuinya. (Hadis riwayat al-lmam Muslim)

Dan daripada Waabisoh ibn Ma'bad r.a. beliau berkata: Aku telah menemui Rasulullah SAW lalu. Baginda bersabda: Engkau datang mahu bertanya tentang kebajikan? Aku berkata: Ya. Baginda bersabda: Mintalah fatwa dari hatimu. Kebajikan itu ialah suatu perkara yang diri dan hati merasa tenang tenteram terhadapnya, dan dosa itu itu ialah suatu perkara yang tergetar dalam dirimu dan teragak-agak di hati, sekalipun ada orang yang memberikan fatwa kepadamu dan mereka memberikan fatwa kepadamu. (Hadis Hasan riwayat al-lmam Ahmad dan al-Daarimie dengan isnad yang baik).

Cinta Fitnah

Cinta yang asalnya suci dan bersih di hati setiap insan boleh tercemar apabila disalurkan dengan jalan-jalan yang mendekati zina. Berkata Prof. Syeikh Yusuf al-Qaradhawi apabila ditanya tentang bercinta sebelum bernikah, “Saya ingin tegaskan kembali apa yang selalu saya katakan, saya tidak memuji apa yang dilaungkan segolongan orang tentang pentingnya bercinta sebelum bernikah, kerana cara seperti ini dikhuatirkan berbahaya dan syubhat.” (Rujuk buku Wanita dalam Fikih al-Qaradhawi).

Katanya lagi, “Banyak orang yang memulakan cara bercinta dengan cara yang tidak benar, seperti berpacaran melalui percakapan telefon dengan bicara yang sia-sia. Ia seringkali dilakukan oleh anak-anak muda ketika menikmati waktu kosong atau bosan. Berpacaran melalui telefon ini kadang-kadang disambut oleh remaja puteri, dan ini biasanya yang sering terjadi dalam keluarga, tanpa disedari dan difikirkan akibatnya, baik oleh remaja putera mahupun remaja puteri. Awalnya memang cuba-cuba tapi kemudiaannya ketagihan. Awalnya bercanda tetapi akhirnya serius.”

Menghampiri zina semakin menjadi trend muda-mudi malah orang dewasa sekalipun.

Rasulullah SAW mengingatkan:
حبك للشئ يعمى ويصم (رواه أحمد)

“Kecintaan kamu kepada sesuatu boleh membuatkan kamu buta dan tuli.” (Riwayat Ahmad).

Soal cinta amat akrab dengan soal hati. Oleh sebab itulah hati perlu berada dalam keadaan sentiasa berhati-hati dengan memperbanyakkan istighfar. Bimbang rasa suka, cinta dan sayang yang suci itu terheret menjadi rasa ingin sms selalu, call selalu, jumpa selalu. Seterusnya, hati yang menjadi raja kepada jasad boleh mengarah anggota badan seperti lidah, tangan, kaki, mulut dan telinga, bertindak sesuatu secara salah. Ketika inilah fitrah menjadi fitnah.

Amat jarang kedengaran pergaulan antara lelaki dan perempuan bermula dengan perbuatan yang ‘berat-berat’ terus. Ia biasanya dimulai dengan yang ‘ringan-ringan’ dahulu atau yang disebut sebagai menghampiri zina.

Ingat pesan Nabi,

فالعين تزنى وزناها النظر

واللسان يزنى وزناه النطق

والرجل تزنى وزناها الخطى

واليد تزنى وزناها البطش

والقلب يهوى ويتمنى

والفرج يصدق ذلك أو يكذبه

(رواه مسلم والبخارى وأبو داود)

Mata itu berzina dan zinanya adalah memandang (tanpa keperluan),

Lisan itu berzina dan zinanya adalah bercakap (yang sia-sia, lucah dan sebagainya),

Kaki itu berzina dan zinanya adalah melangkah (untuk bermaksiat),

Tangan itu berzina dan zinanya ialah merangkul (untuk bermaksiat),

Hati itu berhawa dan berangan-angan,

Faraj membenarkan atau mendustakannya.

Dalam mengambil sikap berhati-hati menjaga hati, kita bukan sahaja takut hati asyik membayangkan persetubuhan luar nikah. Malah, jagalah hati daripada asyik membayangkan perkara-perkara yang menghampiri zina daripada sekecil-kecil perkara seperti berhubungan, berjumpa, berpelukan, bergeselan dan sebagainya. Jika terus dilayan, hati akan terheret jauh dan makin jauh. Anggota badan mula tidak keruan untuk bertindak tatkala menerima tekanan rajanya.

bacaan lanjut di sini 

Apa nak takut??!

yes! get to work!

apa nak takut?
apa?
takut tak lepas jpa?
hey come one qur.
yakin r dengan diri.
thats not the end of the world
nauzubillah. (not goin imagine it to happen. but yet, He knows what the BEST for us)

even so if that happen. yes that not the end of the world.
yakin la. ko bleh bawak diri. u r not such an unworthy piece babeh.
u r very precious piece of this world!
u know that.

experiences that you go through,
everything that in you
those are valuable.
takut jpa tak taja kamu dah?
ko patut lagi takut kalau Allah da tak nak 'layan' kamu lagi.
ko patut lagi takut kalau Allah tarik balik sume nikmat yang dia bagi kat ko selama ni, yang ko dok buat tak heran, buat duno, tak nak buat keje yang Dia suruh. dok lengah2, dok khayal2, dok malas.

ha, time tu ape lagi alasan yg ko ada bleh ko nak bagi?
kalau kalau tak lepas jpa pun, thats not the end of the world babeh! not it's not!

yet u still have Him by urside.
Allah bersamamu andai kamu terus bersama-Nya
tanpa putus asa
tanpa lelah
tanpa jemu

syukur. syukur. teruskan hidup bersyukur dengan apa yang ada.
melakukan yang TERBAIK.
Tuhan pastikan menunjukkan kebesaran dan KUASAnya
bagi HAMBA yang SABAR
dan TAK KENAL putus asa.
bukankah dengan ujian ini juga buat ko selalu beringat?
'kalau aku hanya tinggal setahun je lagi kat sini.. apa aku nak buat? nak bazirkan macam tu je ke? atau buat 'sesuatu'! - yg so that aku tak nyesal, even any what that might happen. )

aku terfikir. kenapa ya Allah. kenapa ujian macam ni lagi yang kena kat aku.
ujian 'ketakutan' pada 'cut off point' , JPA.
hari tu dah kena dah.
time ni kena lagi.
hari tu macam dah lepas.
tapi rupanya, itu hanya gate depan. rupanya ada gate belakang jugak yang nak kena bagi lepas..

dah la.
tak payah takut.
kenapa nak takut.
Allah kan ada. =)

rezeki Allah itu sudah pasti ada.
tinggal kita untuk YAKIN dengan-Nya.

[6]Dan tiadalah sesuatupun dari makhluk-makhluk yang bergerak di bumi melainkan Allah jualah yang menanggung rezekinya dan mengetahui tempat kediamannya dan tempat ia disimpan. Semuanya itu tersurat di dalam Kitab (Lauh mahfuz) yang nyata (kepada malaikat-malaikat yang berkenaan). -Surah Hud-

6. There is no moving creature on earth but its sustenance dependeth on Allah. He knoweth the time and place of its definite abode and its temporary deposit: All is in a clear Record.

senyap.

tenang.

get to work!

yes. get to 'work' and work.

jangan biar ketakutanmu menghalangmu dari kamu terus 'bekerja'

kerja itu dan 'kerja' itu.

kerja sihir itu takkan pernah berhenti menyesakkanmu.

takkan pernah akan habis.

jangan takut.

yes. jangan takut!

berani! berani! berani!

yakin dengan Dia.

YAKINLAH!

('yakinlah..' buat aku teringat kat cikgu noraini ibrahim. cikgu bm, cikgu sejarah. teringat mesej yg dia hantar kat aku. time tu tunggu result spm. and aku mintak dia doakan aku. doakan aku dapat keputusan yg baik tuk spm. aku ingat lagi dia kata lebey kurang macam ni,

'yakinla dengan Tuhan. kamu anak yang baik. Allah pasti membalas dengan keputusan yang baik.'

tersentuh, terharu. bila dia kata, 'anak yang baik'. masalahnya, anak yg baik ke aku ni? insaf di situ. then bila dia ckp, 'yakinla.' bila baca macam terasa ada tanda seru di situ. 'yakinla!'. dengan gaya cikgu yang dapat aku bayangkan. semangat dia tu..meresap terus dalam jiwa aku walau sepatah je perkataan yang dilontarkan. ..)

ya Allah..

rasa tak tertanggung di jiwa. doakan aku kuat, wahai sahabatku sekalian!

oh..

bergetar..jiwa bergelora..

perasaan diuji. takut. risau. sesak. bantu aku ya Allah.

di saatnya aku memilih untuk bersama-Mu..

roh kudusMu..

Pencari jalanMu

Bismillah.

moga bicara mengundang makna.

Harini aku merantau seantero dunia maya. bermula dari Facebook yang tak berkesudahan, dan di penghujung dan dipertengahan harinya dengan youtube, artikel di ILI dan kemudiannya blog. tak sedar masa cepat berputar. dari satu blog ke satu blog aku singgah. berbeza-beza cerita dan gaya. berbeza nadanya. aku terkesan dengan satu blog ni. tulisannya ringkas, padat, penuh mesej yang bermanfaat. ada rasa sedikit iri di hati. mahu jadi sepertinya. hidup penuh inspirasi dan dieertikan sebaiknya. tanpa tiada satu pun yang sia-sia. setiap satu ada nilainya.

dah lama jugak aku tak menulis. jauh di sudut hati ada rasa kerugian, kerana setiap rencana dan episod kehidupan itu ada nilainya. tapi kadang-kadang diri terasa gusar untuk menulis. apakah menulis hanya saja-saja? suka-suka? tentang diri sendiri sahaja? untuk tatapan diri sendiri? aku masih mencari, erti hidup pada menulis. ertinya pada expression. apakah hanya meluah yang tak terluah?

apa yang aku mahukan sebenarnya?

apa yang aku cari?

berbalik pada kisah hari ni. macam-macam jenis blog. dari seorang pemuda berjiwa islam, yang punya misi dan visi dalam hidupnya. prinsip yang teguh untuk diperjuangkan dalam hayatnya. kemudian beralih kepada blog parenting. aku baca pengalaman-pengalaman ibu-ibu muda yang menceritakan pengalaman mereka mendidik anak-anak. membuka minda ku. apakah aku sudah bersedia untuk menjadi seorang ibu kelak? apa yang telah aku sediakan untuk impian itu. impian yang memenuhi syarat hadis nabi bahawa hanya anak soleh dan solehah saja yang akan dapat 'menolong' tika di alam akhir sana. dari blog yang jelas punya fikrah islami, dan juga blog seorang ibu juga, yang tak kurang hebatnya walau fikrah islami itu kurang sedikit tapi mesej-mesejnya masih segalanya baik belaka.

tulisan kali ni lebih kepada refleksi diri sendiri. pengalaman itu bukankah berharga? aku jumpa macam-macam jenis orang dalam hidup. ada yang serius dengan kehidupan, ada jugak yang main-main. bersuka ria hampir setiap masa. kadang-kadang aku takut aku tenggelam sama. tenggelam punca. teman, aku rindukan kamu. saatnya kita bersama baru ku sedar betapa berharganya andai kau di sisi. saat kita bertazkirah bersama-sama. berbicara tentang TUhan kita, kebesaran dan keagungan-Nya. bercerita tentang cita-cita dan harapan kita. cerita suka duka kehidupan. kau sahabat, kau teman. ku doakan kau sentiasa menemui jalan kebaikan dalam hidupmu.

suatu luahan dari sudut hati. dan mahu disimpulkan. apa yang aku dapat seharian ni? aku mulakan hari dengan mencari kelebihan solat dhuha. dan aku dapati terlalu banyak kelebihannya. dan saat mencari, aku terjumpa satu hadis. sebaik-baik manusia adalah orang yang banyak memberi manfaat kepada orang lain. manfaat. itulah perkara yang dititiberatkan. apakah perkara yang aku buat ni semua bermanfaat? boleh jadi ya dan tidak. dan aku mahukan ia bermanfaat dan tidak sia-sia. aku mahu buktikan, ia tidak sia-sia.

di sini, aku kongsikan blog-blog yang aku kunjungi satu hari ni. (tanpa dirancang).

harapnya ada manfaat. ilmu itu nabi berpesan harus disebar-sebarkan. namun, dalam 'kebaikan' ada juga keburukannya. buruknya ialah, melawat blog ini patut ditangguhkan. sebab? aku tak menelaah lagi untuk peperiksaan minggu depan. tapi, tak mengapa. dalam hidup memang ada give and take. ada kos lepas. aku pilih untuk terus baca blog-blog yang menarik pada aku. untuk aku kutip kalam hikmahnya untuk dijadikan pedoman hidup. paling menarik, ialah blog senior aku masa kat sekolah dulu. dah kawin dah dia. tua setahun dari aku. dia yang aku kenal memang strong character. matang dalam perilaku. semangat dan sangat dedikasi. ada beberapa ayat yang aku terkesan dan jugak blog-blog lain pun.

simply put, things that i learnt today:

1. about prinsip hidup. tulis dengan pengalaman. prinsipnya, untuk menyampaikan mesej.

2. ajar anak-anak sejak dari kecik bagi tazkirah - asasnya bina keyakinan anak kecik untuk berucap

3. susu ibu yang terbaik. parenting. anak-anak jangan biar dia tidur seorang sampai umur 5 tahun atau akil baligh. jadikan anak-anak pintar dan bijak. not to get no.1 or first class.

4. "i'm not afraid to commit''. her words really inspire me.

5. indahnya mabuk cinta yang halal

but still i do remember what my mum said lately. well, for that case, i leave to Him to decide. I just want to try my best, to be a better person. and I'm thinking by 'that' might be I can be better. the only thing I'm thinking is to be better. but He knows better than me. Might be what I'm thinking good and better is actually not good ever. Wallahu musta'an. To Him I pray for the best for the rest of my life. May Allah grants me with patience and strength to strive with those challenges in my life right now.

fair enough. I learnt that from my senior, kak syaz, something like this that she said,

I realize that when I set goals that seemed impossible at first, I will become 170% dedicated and thus I will push myself beyond my own limits. It is no different with this current situation. I am not afraid. It could even be an encouragement. Something is only a baggage if you see it as a baggage.

i truly agree with her. In life, I believe in BELIEF. you are what you believe in. indeed, belief is something in myself. In fact, I am here now, because I believe it I will be here. Faith that the other thing. My story not as others. I've being tested even more to be here, to where I'm sitting and standing right now. Only by His will I'm here. I put my trust on Him and truly what I believe came true and real. The same thing. I am shy enough to say my reason. Enough only if He know the main I reason I want it. In other aspect, what I want is that not afraid with challenges. Take the step further with brave heart, confidence and faith. Challenges will always there. it is Only how we face it. a quote from american senator,

We face a challenge -- no matter how great -- because we know that on the other side there is always hope.”

I don't know why but I'm indirectly always facing something that really challenging. Challenge my ability and what I believe in. I truly believe nothing is impossible. no. I know He hears my prayer that I make everyday. I believe it will be my day one day. wait and see. wait patiently. du'a always in me.

sometimes, i'm thinking maybe i'm too idealistic rather than be realistic? but hey..isn't that those are pictures in mind. perception and imagination indeed. we the one that create it.what so ever, i should stop for now and also stop stalking people's blog. you can do that later, qu. prioritize your work! hmm..but sometimes you know what, what comes around I just get to it. sometimes good sometimes might be not. but I just feel, I don't want to be a robot. I want to be a human that not robotic. everything has been programmed. study this life with broad mind.

I asked kak zaffan, the owner of the blog, that I wish to have writing like hers, beneficial indeed. I asked where to start. I used to ask this question to my friend before and she always said that the answer always lies in me. Ardently true.

ok then. what in my mind, actually there's a lot I want to do! such as I want to improve my English, practice grammar more for upcoming essays. improve writing skills, and research skills so that I can be productive. NExt semester indeed is such a big challenge and tricky. That might determine whether will I still be here next fall and winter, or else will back home(hopefully that will not be).

So far living here, I don't know what's so good about it.

pen off.

everjihad(always struggling)

66 Madison Avenue.

As I have pay for it

aduhh..dilema betul r
residence oh residence..
duit da bayar.
nak tunggu tak nak tunggu?
i'm the one that goin to face it not others
can't i make my own decision?
coz i'm the one that goin to live in with that choice

i knew i need to refer my parent
and believe me they will think about money
money that I have paid

and because of money i am stuck!

i knew it cost a lot. almost a thousand(if in ringgit)
its not a cheap one. bukan satu dua ringgit
but to value back

life there is not like here
i need at least someone that i can refer to
i believe to live with a senior can be a good thing
as experience is so worth it

how could I choose and make a decision in less than 24 hours
between me and my parents
between me and my life
between me and MONEY!

I can just proceed without considering money
but it's hard to proceed when my parent not favor it
i'm like 'divideable'..

thinking again, my value not on money
one thing that i can sure to have it
at least if i can be with the senior
i already sure i will live with a muslim
and can pray jemaah with her
that's good enough for me.

Talking to mama, she asked me to wait for the residence.
Talking to my sis, the same thing it goes. she said, since I have pay for it.
Talking to abah? I sure he will said the same thing.

and the money is non-refundable.
if it is refundable, then it will not be a problem.

yet, still bothering me to make a decision

ya Allah..please help me to help myself ~_~

*******
1400PM

ikut je la cakap mama
walau kehendak aku berbeza
tapi mungkin ada keberkatan bila ada restu
supaya nanti hati pun tak bercelaru
i don't know what can be in future
so much uncertain things
but I have to believe that there must be a hikmah
why Allah put me in this situation
why Allah give me this PROBLEM
testing my inward


being a waiter
i always used to be a waiter
i'm going to wait for something better
may the BEST will be mine
as I have 'pay' for it

amin.

***************

baru lepas cakap dengan mama n baru lepas solat. mama suruh tunggu. aku cakap, ada kebarangkalian dia campak bagi tempat jauh sebab sekarang tempat kat vic dah penuh. mama cakap, "mana tau kalau ada rezeki. ada orang nak keluar ke.."bila mama cakap macam tu, ingatkan aku macam suatu situasi dulu. izlina dulu pun cakap kat aku macam tu masa aku belum dapat fly. Dia kata, "kalau ada rezeki, adela..". cair aku dengar. huhu. sepatah tu je cukup buat jantung aku bergetar seketika. mengingatkan aku untuk berpegang, bergantunglah dekat Dia. sebab Dia yang pegang segala-galanya. baiklah.

Have FAITH in Him!

benda nampak small matter. just either yes and no. and you can't choose to be in between. when it come to choose it. so much things should be consider. sampai kadang2 terlupa untuk letakkan setinggi pengharapan pada Dia. itulah namanya ujian..

by having faith in Him, I believe He will give the best for me. Thinking to get the best thing from Him, and have the best .

Dirimu begitu berharga. What can I do?

Dirimu adalah aset.
Asetku untuk melaksanakan tugas dakwah itu dengan lebih gencar
Andai kau tahu ..



As day by day, our beloved land, Malaysia become chronic and worse with the popular disease which is Influenza A a.k.a H1N1. Therefore, here I would like to share a post regarding that for us to take precaution step as prevention is better than cure.

What can I do to protect myself from catching influenza A(H1N1)?

The main route of transmission of the new influenza A(H1N1) virus seems to be similar to seasonal influenza, via droplets that are expelled by speaking, sneezing or coughing. You can prevent getting infected by avoiding close contact with people who show influenza-like symptoms (trying to maintain a distance of about 1 metre if possible) and taking the following measures:

* avoid touching your mouth and nose;
* clean hands thoroughly with soap and water, or cleanse them with an alcohol-based hand rub on a regular basis (especially if touching the mouth and nose, or surfaces that are potentially contaminated);
* avoid close contact with people who might be ill;
* reduce the time spent in crowded settings if possible;
* improve airflow in your living space by opening windows;
* practise good health habits including adequate sleep, eating nutritious food, and keeping physically active.:

My suggestion

• As a muslim, pray a lot that Allah will protect us from this disease.

A doa that we can practice - which I took it from ratib al-attas which is a type of zikr collection.

Yaa Latif-an lam yazal
Ultuf binaa feemaa nazal
Innaka Latif-un lam tazal
Ultuf binaa wa'l Muslimin
(3 times)

O One Who is Most Kind,
Who never ceases to be kind,
Be kind to us in what befalls us,
You are indeed the Most Kind
Who never ceases to be kind,
Be kind to us and all the Muslims.

Malay:
Wahai Tuhan yang senantiasa berlemah lembut, lemah lembutlah terhadap kami dari segala apa yang turun dari(balak dan wabak), sesungguhnya Engkau senantiasa berlemah lembut. Berlembah lembutlah terhadap kami dan kaum muslimin.

Another Doa:

Aslahallāhu umūra’l Muslimīn
Sarafallāhu sharra’l mu’dhīn

May Allāh improve the affairs of the Muslims,
may Allāh turn away the evil of the harmful.

Thats are do'a that I can share.

What about using a mask? What does WHO recommend?

If you are not sick you do not have to wear a mask.

If you are caring for a sick person, you can wear a mask when you are in close contact with the ill person and dispose of it immediately after contact, and cleanse your hands thoroughly afterwards.

If you are sick and must travel or be around others, cover your mouth and nose.

Using a mask correctly in all situations is essential.
Incorrect use actually increases the chance of spreading infection.

How do I know if I have influenza A(H1N1)?

You will not be able to tell the difference between seasonal flu and influenza A(H1N1) without medical help. Typical symptoms to watch for are similar to seasonal viruses and include fever, cough, headache, body aches, sore throat and runny nose. Only your medical practitioner and local health authority can confirm a case of influenza A(H1N1).

What should I do if I think I have the illness?

If you feel unwell, have high fever, cough or sore throat:

* stay at home and keep away from work, school or crowds;
* rest and take plenty of fluids;
* cover your nose and mouth when coughing and sneezing and, if using tissues, make sure you dispose of them carefully. Clean your hands immediately after with soap and water or cleanse them with an alcohol-based hand rub;
* if you do not have a tissue close by when you cough or sneeze, cover your mouth as much as possible with the crook of your elbow;
* use a mask to help you contain the spread of droplets when you are around others, but be sure to do so correctly;
* inform family and friends about your illness and try to avoid contact with other people;
* If possible, contact a health professional before traveling to a health facility to discuss whether a medical examination is necessary.

Should I take an antiviral now just in case I catch the new virus?

No. You should only take an antiviral, such as oseltamivir or zanamivir, if your health care provider advises you to do so. Individuals should not buy medicines to prevent or fight this new influenza without a prescription, and they should exercise caution in buying antivirals over the Internet.

What about breastfeeding? Should I stop if I am ill?

No, not unless your health care provider advises it. Studies on other influenza infections show that breastfeeding is most likely protective for babies - it passes on helpful maternal immunities and lowers the risk of respiratory disease. Breastfeeding provides the best overall nutrition for babies and increases their defense factors to fight illness.

When should someone seek medical care?

A person should seek medical care if they experience:

1. shortness of breath or difficulty breathing, or
2. if a fever continues more than three days.

For parents with a young child who is ill, seek medical care if a child has fast or labored breathing, continuing fever or convulsions (seizures).

* Supportive care at home
- by resting,
* drinking plenty of fluids and
* using a pain reliever for aches - is adequate for recovery in most cases. (A non-aspirin pain reliever should be used by children and young adults because of the risk of Reye's syndrome.)

Should I go to work if I have the flu but am feeling OK?

No. Whether you have influenza A(H1N1) or a seasonal influenza, you should stay home and away from work through the duration of your symptoms. This is a precaution that can protect your work colleagues and others.
Can I travel?

If you are feeling unwell or have symptoms of influenza, you should not travel. If you have any doubts about your health, you should check with your health care provider.

Jangan takut!
wa man yu'min Billahi laa khawfun 'alaih.
Barangsiapa beriman kepada Allah. Tiada ketakutan atas dirinya.

p/s:most information source from WHO website.
But some of it I add up by myself.

The Appeal and other significances

I need to brush up my English. Really!! I can't denied that it is important. My vocab so rusted! Now I try to start practice my writing skill. I MUST!!!

Anyway, today I have accomplish my mission to go Putrajaya and send my second appeal letter with recommendation letter from few of my teachers and councellor to JPA. I have made up to see Director of Bhgn. Modal Insan. When I was there, I was so nervous. My heart was shaking and my mind is empty. I have no words to say. Unfortunately, I am unable to meet him in person because he is so busy. I manage to get see his face just for a while after his meeting. I wait for so long but still cannot see him. It's okay. I redho for that. Keep the patience in me.

Even that 'dream' to meet the director not accomplished, at least I meet the JPA officer. Have some conversations with him. He asked me, what's the matter. and I told my story but at that time I don't know why I'm so nervous until my voice was stuck. My voice was very limited and I didn't talk much even before this I feel like I want to say how mean am I to this appeal. But during that moment, it just like nothing. I don't really feel anything. No strong feeling. I'm not putting too much hope anymore. NO more.



Before, I used to put so much hope but I start to stop myself from doing that and let start to be real. I put so much hope when I pray. I am bias to fly not pray that may Allah give me the best thing. and it is a bit pressure when I do that. Putting too much hope until at one point, I am 'tired' to hope or starting to feel no point to put a hope. However, thankful and glad that when I feel that 'down', I start to calm down myself. Trying to find, 'hey what am I looking for?' What are you searching for, Qur? IF you really fly, then what? Sometimes, I asked myself, and sometimes I'm unable to answer it. I would admit that it is more to nafs sometimes. It is right to have 'exposure' like I used to mentioned to others but what's the matter with exposure?

Anything it is, I have the conclusion, just be happy with anything it is. As that is what this life I'm searching for. I'm searching for Allah's bless. I should accept anything that Allah give to me. Accept means be happy with it. Even it is not satisfy us sometimes but to be satisfied and to feel enough with what we have that is the key of true happiness. Even if let say, I'm going there, that doesn't promise that I will be happy. Even if we follow the 'normality' as a person is, to get something like that we should be happy for it.

Enough is enough. I'm waiting answer from JPA whether to reconsider my appeal is accepted or denied. It is jumpy. I'm nervous to know the answer. It teach me to be patient. It teaches me to have faith in Allah. It teaches me to be strong. I'm not sure whether I'm stronger for now but it teaches me a lot that don't waste the chance and opportunity that given to you. I believe that I have done a lot of mistakes throughout my ICPU's life.

one thing that I could say, is the problem to put PRIORITY. and first think first. Sometimes, I failed in doing that. It teaches me, DON'T TAKE FOR GRANTED evEn the tiny and slightest thing as it might impact in future. I admit that I'm not taking serious sometimes in my study. I mean serious means 'comitted'. But somehow I also don't want to be hamba to study. I'm still in journey to understand the most important thing in my life. Is study is so much important or there are other thing that are much much important more than study but not put aside the importance of study itself.

I admit and realize my weakness in doing so and so but I'm not denying that maybe this has fated to me to teach me a lesson in life. I rarely being 'test' such thing like this. Most of my life, I excel in my studies. Even I'm not super or damn good but I would say the end result from the big exam like UPSR, PMR, and SPM is far better and excellent I would say.

but then, I would say that it is me that did not any effort. I'm only lack in certain thing. I believe there are room for improvements. Humans won't run from doing mistakes. From mistakes we learnt a lesson. but my father told me, the smart people will learn mistake from other people mistakes not his own. It's okay. I'm getting there. I still remember my dear friend said to me to boost my spirit, don't forget to celebrate your success when you finding or realizing your mistakes. Success need to be celebrated to as that is the energy to grow stronger.

I talked to my dear awin. she feel happy to hear that the appeal really will be considered and special meeting and committe is arranged purposely. I don't really feel it but I knew it is something significant. To her, it is a good news as maybe there are progress along the way. And of course berdebar utk tau keputusan dia.

apa2 pun, she remind me again that this is really a test by telling that long time a go she really want medic but she didnt get it. she got into taylors and get T-A-R-B-I-Y-A-H and that is so sweet. I admit that. got the same thing. I glad, I got something that make me closer to Him. Make me want to make anything that leads a way to Him. It is so significant. And this is really a test that test on faith and reliance on Him. SO much things that I got from this test. YA Allah. Thank you so much.

Everything happen must be reasons. I believe there are hikmah so much. and it's not only a test of faith. But it test my stand, my principle, my ideologies and understanding. I want to say this. SEGALA apa yang diperkatakan, yang dikatakan, yang didakwahkan pada orang lain, benda tu akan datang balik untuk menguji kita. Sejauh mana kita benar-benar dengan apa yang kita cakap. I really feel it now.

I would say, if let say, anything to be, andai takdir tak fly, tapi dapat menambah amal n iman, aku rasa berbaloi. Sebab takde yang lebih berharga dari tu. Nak dapat iman pun bukan senang. Bila dah diuji baru tau sejauh mana benarnya kita berpegang dengan apa yang kita biasa cakapkan selama ni. Seteguh mana keyakinan dan kepercayaan tu tertanam dalam diri. no matter what, what's the thing in my life that I'm searching for? Nikmat dunia hanya sementara. I need to rememember that everything it is, Allah lend it to me. Anytime, He can take it back. SO bear in mind that He can make anything that He wishes. It just that we need to make effort and try the best.

There are one time that in my mind when thinking to go for oversea. There are some obstacles and I don't know what will it be if it really be. It is a clash when it comes to a dream to be realized, a demand to be satisfied and a rule to be obeyed.

When I knew about the hadis of a woman that cannot go to anywhere that consume one night journey without mahram, I think a lot. There is in my mind that no use to be there if that is haram. But it is not absolute haram as it is khilaf. Means there are diffrence opinions between scholars and you can take which opinion that closed to you. I can take opinion that I feel strong and also opinion that is relevant. If i'm not mistaken based on opinon of Ibn Taimiyah that said, it is not haram. He analysed the hadis in depth. But most scholar take zahir hadis as clear cut without compromise. and I also have asked few people that I trust his knowledge and someone that I can refer. The latest, I asked this one ustaz. This ustaz, I asked him with my father. At that time, in getting the answer my father beside me. Well, before, my father also mentioned the same thing to me about haram to musafir without mahram for woman. It's a bit hard on me. In a way to fulfil my dream and also to obey syari'atullah. And when it comes to this, I knew I don't have much choices. AS this life, Have syariat to be followed. We can't live follow our likes. Something that we like in islam we take it but things that we don't like or hard to do we leave it. That's not the true muslim as a muslim he or she need to take it as whole. It is the way of life.

But in this case, it is khilaf. It is not absolute haram. There are some scholars that say it is not regarding to current situation. Maybe later I could post something about the opinions of scholar about this. However, it is just me that I feel maybe I am stronger to the opinion of haram one. and perhaps maybe there have hikmah and reason for Allah not made up way for me to be there. Especially during this time that people label it as 'critical' with those uprising cases of H1N1. Anway, back to the ustaz that I asked, he also said the same thing as what I used to discussed with one of my friend.

If it is haram, there is a way to make it halal. Islam not stop me to realize my dream. I believe everything in islam there are reasons and I believe islam that protect me. my favor upon islam is almost evertyhing. so if I have accept islam as the true one, accept it is the way of my life conduct. the halal way is By having mahram. and a way to that in this situation by having marriage .

why is it so important to me about this halal and haram? What's the point to do the halal thing and the haram thing? This signify that i'm having faith that Allah is one that I recognized as my Lord. He is the one that I worship so it is important to obey what He asked and not to do what He hated.

If not, if I do anything I WANT and I LIKE to do, so wha't the purpose that Allah set rules? If I'm not obey. Even when I was in ICPU in law class, the purpose of law to be made, people need to obey to the rules that has been set up. If rules are disobey, chaos will happen. One thing about obey, I would say this is very close with the PURPOSE OF MY LIFE that I'm so clear about it.

Az-zariyat : 56 - refer to Quran

it means something not far like this that Allah said,

'I'm not making human and jinx except to worship Me(Allah as God)'

So, in conclusion to make it short, halal and haram is one part of SUBMISSION to my Lord. That's why it is important to me to make sure the conduct and act that I did is allowed in islam or not. All that means a lot for my life. As I have accept that to have GOD in my life. To recognize that nothing should be worship other than Allah as a God and Muhammad is the Messenger of Allah.

I only can pray for the best.

There are khilaf in opinion. and I believe Allah knows the best. 

Agama itu tidak menyukarkan.

anyway, my heart getting cool down when my best friend used to say to me, 'kalau ada rezeki adalah. tak payah risau..' entah lah. even dia cakap simple macam tu, tapi menusuk ke kalbu. tak tau kenapa. menenangkan. Remind me that, if Allah let it be, it will be. So no worries, be happy!

I getting myself back. The confidence, the strength, the spirit, the courage to make this far. I get contact to everyone that dear to me. Let them know my current situation and asked them to pray for me. Before this, I am so hopeful but currently I try to let it be. I have tried to give the last try and do anything that I can do, and we will see the result soon.

I enjoyed doing my job. Teaching kids to read Quran, I feel so blessed because I able to practic one of hadis nabi that mentioned the best people among you is one that learn Al-Quran and teach it. I am happy for that. It is a pleasure to teach them to read Iqra'. I never expect to have this opportunity and chance but it is real. This is something that I really one to do and I have think about it before I gradute last month and it is unbelievable sometimes to be real. Sometimes I feel funny to be in school because I have no experience in teaching at it really challenges me to be a GOOD TEACHER and EDUCATOR. There are so much things that I need to improved and do before the time is up. I really love those kids. Some are so much adorable. With little cute one even the naughty one. Sometimes feel like I want to have one. Haha..InsyaAllah one day.

to teach them, teach me to teach myself. Do what you teach! It's really a reminder ever to me. and always need to keep in mind that now I'm a teacher, I need to look upon my behaviour more.

I guess, I will make another post talking about my expriences so far in teaching. It's really nice if I could express it.

I should feel glad not matter what as there are many other people that not fortunate like me. I should realize that and I should appreciate everything that I have for now before I lost it. You just feel something so great and mean when it is taken from you. Like me, I feel the lost of opportunity is also an opportunity and space for other things. for example, the chance to get something better than that. becuase we never know what is good for us. We think it good for ourselves but it is not confirmed yet. Perhaps it maybe things that we like is not good for us in real.Nevertheless, at one side I feel the lost. and for next time, I'm not going to let go any opportunity that I have. The chance is only one. Even to live, it's only once.

Till then, I should stop here.

Pujukan Abah..

kata abah, isi ceramah syeikh afeefuddin masa dekat jenderam kelmarin, pasal erti syukur dan syukran. ada dua jenis syukur. satu tu bila dapat nikmat, dapat benda yang kita mintak, dan2 kita dapat bila masa kita nak, itu kita kena syukur.

lagi satu, bila kita mintak sesuatu, tapi belum dapat lagi, yang itu kita kena lagi syukur. namanya syukran. terima kasih kat Allah sebab tak dapat lagi. tanda Allah sayang kat kita lebih sebab Dia nak dengar suara kita meminta-minta pada-Nya. tanda Allah nak tingkatkan makam(darjat) kita.

maksudnya kat sini, kalau tak dapat apa yang kita hajatkan tu, kena bawak banyak BERSABAR sebab Allah sebenarnya nak kasi benda yang lebih baik bagi kita.[jadik, jangan sedey2.huhu ~_~.masih cuba mengubat duka di hati..takpela Allah tu lebih Maha Mengetahui..]


ada 3 benda yang Rasulullah ada sebut pasal benda ni. ni abah yang cakap la. dalil dan sumber yang sepenuhnya aku pun tak tau.
huhu..

pertama, bila kita mintak, Allah bagi dan2 tu jugak.
kedua, kita mintak tapi Allah tak bagi lagi apa yang kita mintak tu, Allah simpan.
ketiga, Allah tak bagi apa yang kita mintak, tapi Dia ampunkan dosa kita, kalau ada bencana yang akan menimpa kita, Dia jauhkan.

agaknya ini semua kelebihan doa tu sendiri.

pastu, abah ada kata lagi, nanti ada jugak manusia yang kat akhirat sana, menyesal. menyesal kenapa dulu kat dunia dia mintak macam2, dan dapat dan2 tu. dia menyesal dia mintak macam2. sebab dekat akhirat lagi macam2 yang ada.

ada jugak macam tu ke..getus hatiku.


bila dengar benda nih..seakan terpujuk dengan kata-kata Abah..
yelah..keadaan aku sekarang nih ~tak lepas cut-off point JPA. tu takper lagi. tapi lagi 1% je utk diflykan. huhu..menguji..sungguh menguji...hanya Allah je tau macamana rasanya..ye la hasrat dan impian yang sekian setahun diperap dan didasarkan. huhu..takpela Allah tau apa yang terbaik..tu je yang termampu nak ckp walau agak perit. Besar sungguh dugaan kali ini..~_~

tapi, ada jugak benda-benda lain yang Abah cakap, aku rasa terpukul. err..dari segi perangai kat rumah..hanya Allah je la yang tau..huhu..tak perlu diceritakan di sini..

abah kata, kalau kuat dakwah, tak boleh pakaian je hebat. perangai pun kena jaga. dalam dan luar.

masalah aku, aku memang selalu rasa, memang bermasalah soal dalaman. hanya Allah je tau. luar nampak 'bagus' tapi dalaman..ya Allah..

lagi pasal result..

76% where is another 4% ? check n balance.
time management is very important.

if you absent class, it means your time management is not good.(abah tak kata bad. huhu..sunggu postive abahku ini..)

you fail to manage your time. ~yea... thats right. huhu..i skipped class to do my assignment.~

the most important thing is to learn the important thing.
do the important thing in your time management.
kadang2 u banyak masa, tapi u tak belajar benda yang penting untuk dipelajari. itu yang silap.
lagi, kena banyak baca ratib, zikir, ingat Allah. tengok macam sekolah tahfiz tu, hafal quran. kenapa? sebab nak bagi otak tajam. asah otak bagi tajam supaya bila dalam kelas, dengar sekali je dah terus masuk kepala.itu guna dia.

room for improvement! failure is the starting point to success!
semua ujian ni ada hikmah dia. ada sebabnya. fikir apa kekurangan diri. muhasabah balik.

nak jadi orang berjaya, kena ada goal tinggi. plan apa nak buat.

sekadar perkongsian.. kalau aku mati hari ni, harap ada yang dapat ambik iktibar dari perkongsian ni. ilmu untuk hari ni yang ciput tapi aku harap bermanfaat dan satu amanah untuk aku sampaikan kepada manusia lain.(teringat akan saudara seislamku mikael a.k.a michael jackson yang telah kembali ke rahmatullah di usia 50 tahun,semalam. semoga rohmu berada dalam rahmat Ilahi)

*********************

diri masih dalam pencarian
akan arah tuju hidup ini
diri masih belajar
menerima hakikat diri ini
langit tak selalu cerah
kadangkala pelangi berselindung di balik awan
diri masih berselirat sukar
percaya kata hati
percaya iman di hati
yang ini terbaik buat diri
walau tak seindah yang diimpi
ingatlah yang indah itu hanya di syurga nanti
kelak impianmu kan pasti direalisasi
salam tabah buat diri
salam mujahadah sebagai benteng
dari dikawal nafsu insani

aku hamba Tuhan yang lemah
moga tarbiyah ini menguatkan diri
menyedari hakikat hidup ini
erti hidup ini

mutiara hikmah
~ tidak akan dirimu gundah walau sekali
andai kau tahu apa yang dicari ~

*********************

25june2009

after isyak

9:09PM

Thank you for choosing me.

terima kasih ya Allah untuk hari ini,
hari yang lepas dan yang akan datang.
terima kasih kerana memilih aku untuk diuji
terima kasih ya Allah kerana masih mengasihiku
walau selalu aku terlupa pada Mu
Dunia ini tempat ujian.
Tempat diuji sejauh mana keimanan.
Kadangkala terbit di hati,
mengapa aku tak terasa seperti diuji?
kali ini benar aku terasa diuji.
andai ujian ini membuahkan iman,
andai ujian ini membuatkan taqwa,
andai ujian ini membuatkan amal
aku terima seadanya.
aku terima dugaan dari Mu
moga aku menjadi kuat
lisan itu bukan hanya sekadar berkata
kira kini aku benar-benar diuji
sungguh, aku mohon untuk terus bergantung dan berharap padaMu
jangan kau palingkan hatiku selain Mu

i just want to smile. Thank you Allah for this gift.
I should not be sad. I should be happy with it.

my Lord, Thank you for choosing me. =)

IELTS result also is a 'test'

Bismillah..

I’ve got my IELTS result! - re-sit one…

Well, my result really meriah!! Just like my past SPM result...huhu...

I still remember. How bad and ‘good’ my SPM result is. Have ABC...

Well the same thing for IELTS. Variety bands! How interesting. I was like “wow...resultku that so so meriah...”

I am relieved yet not so happy. When I saw one of the components not reach the expectation. I don’t really feel good about it. But one of my friends that saw my result said, “Hmm...result ni sedap mata memandang..sedap untuk ditengok”..

To me, yeah..maybe..but one of it a bit disappointed.

Well, what did I expect from myself for writing huh?

Qurratul, you know how you are. You really know how you are that not really READ (my biggest problem), how you expect to write better? Well, that’s my flaw and it is really undeniable that writing is really my weakness. In order to convey the ideas to the reader, my writing quite terrible In addition with very limited knowledge(to gain idea), then lack of exposure. . Oh Yeah. .fair enough. You deserve it. You cannot compare with other.

Anyway, Alhamdulillah. Thanks to Allah for everything. This time I really berserah. (Dunno what in English. someone help me!)

A bit encourage after I consult with Mr. Ben about my result.

Good to hear, he said it is good news! (Even I’m not so sure whether it’s good news though, to have 5.5 in writing)

I don’t feel good about it but he said, “You can show your previous result that can show your ability. You did quite will in the past. That enough to prove your ability as you retake the test again. ”

Yeah. I never think of it. Maybe I should send both my IELTS result.

Well, well, well, this is just a TEST. That really tests me. So here it is. Why should I bother about the result? After all, it just signifies what I did. It tells me my weakness and so on so that I keep work for it. Isn’t that a good thing? (Trying to be positive). And some more, this is a ‘gift’ from Allah.

This result also a ‘test’ from Him. Whether I’ll be a grateful person or not.

Here, I feel glad for everything. Glad that Allah gives me such a test that shows He loves me. He wants me to be better. He wants me to get better! That’s all what it is!

My IELTS a test of Iman!

I can only thank Allah for this blessing on me

For giving me sakina (calmness) in this tranquility

Thank you ya Allah for the test on me.

I should be grateful that Allah want give this test to me.
Hey why me? Why not others? I know He knows that I can make it. I am able to take it.
Do you know how it feel, when you just don’t get what you expect?
It’s kinda sad. But I believe it also a test from Him.

My friend’s IELTS result was pretty good. Michael! One of the result that quite a shock to me. He got 8. and for speaking, he got 7. Before that, I heard his story how terrible he did. Then I just said, have faith. Who know’s there will be miracle. Because he looks like very very down. Although when we just back from the test, in the bus, he still talk about the mistakes he did. Hmm..Although I’m quite satisfied that I could answer well but it just doesn’t mean everything goes well. Sometimes what you expect it will not be as it is. Then, I said to him, “don’t worry I’ll pray for you. How much you want? 7? 8?” He said, if can 7 but if 6.5 that’s just enough. Well, I have make a special prayer after that. I don’t know. After he told me how terrible he did, I really wish that Allah can give him chance. I pray hard for him. Seriously I did. But today, a bit sad to talk about the result I got. Why he got? Why I don’t?

But I know I shouldn’t be sad. I know this is a test from Allah for me. This is just a test. I used to see my other friend, use to ask to myself..”hey how come they can pass and I’m not? What they did? I’m not too bad though..” sometimes the bad thought come to my mind. But I’ll try to accept as it is. As that is one part of iman (faith) which is ‘redho’ or in other word, accept what it is from Him. I learn that, it is also not about luck, but it consider the effort. I could say that other people work harder than me. Maybe not? I don’t know. But He knows what the best for me.

How the IELTS result test me? Yeah. It is not only about the writing, speaking, reading and listening test. But it also a test of faith and believe of me to Him. Proof? I pray for my friend, and he got 8! How powerful is that. The power of prayer. The power of God. The power of Allah. He can do anyting He wants. And me? Haha. Actually, I admit that, I just forgot to ask Him for myself. Seriously ‘forgot’. I don’t really pray much and specifically ask to Him. Even I wish, I more ask other people to pray for me rather than pray for myself. Ironic isn’t it? Yeah. I know He can just give me, even I don’t ask Him. He able to do anything. But maybe He wants to teach me, you want something, you need to ASK! Yeah..sort of. That’s one of the thing that I could consider. I need to ask more, and I believe, IELTS have strengthen my belief to Him and also my faith. Stronger my iman.

Thank you Ya Allah for this test. Even the path is different from other people, I believe that to pay for re-sit IELTS RM530 is just ‘nothing’ as compared to the ‘lesson’ that I got. The price to ‘upgrade’ my iman and yakin. Only believe in Him.

And be not infirm, and be not grieving, and you shall have the upper hand if you are believers. ~Al –Imraan 3:139~

“Janganlah kamu bersikap lemah dan janganlah pula kamu bersedih hati, padahal kamulah orang-orang yang paling tinggi darjatnya jika kamu orang-orang yang beriman.” (Ali-Imran:139)

*******

Bila orang tanya,"IELTS camne? "

aku menjawab lemah, "tak lepas.."

aduhai..lemah terasa! sendi2 ni ibarat bergetar je rasa..ya Allah..hebatnya ujian dari-Mu..

satu tarbiyah buat diriku.

iri terasa bersama teman2 yang lepas. iri..terasa sungguh.

tapi teman2 yang lepas, aku turut tumpang gembira. cuma mengenangkan aku? oh..
takperla. buat je apa yang termampu. aku pun bakal 're-sit' balik sabtu ni. dah bayaq pon. tak ya nak pk da. nak sedey pon, tarak guna.

cuma, perasaan tu masih ada. dan aku pasti, akan hilang jua. perasaan itu akan berganti. cuma perasaan itu mahu kuabadi dan rakam di sini. kerana perasaan itu akan hilang. dan aku mahu dia hilang.

Even, I saw my friend that succeed, and I'm not yet, they always give encouragement and support. like when I asked Michael about his IELTS and the tips to be good as him ( he got 9 for listening and 8 for reading! mmg salute), he said to me.." don't worry. you will be fine..." he said 2-3 times. and he said, "don't be sad. you will be ok.just be strong " ..

oh..thank you friend for the moral support. appreciate it so much. it's kinda hard on me. I know many people expect I'm doing well. Even me, expect it to be good and super-well. But it doesn't. and I knew He made this for reasons. I knew it and I believe in Him why He makes this to me, the only thing to make me closer to Him.

Sedey jugak bila orang tanye about my IELTS. bila cakap tak lepas. fuh.. lemah je terasa. now i could feel, how it feel if i still 'main-main' , tak serius, tak sungguh-sungguh. This 'test' really teach me a lot. Cukup2lah Qurratul. Now is time to focus. Now I can feel, what If I don't throw the 'laziness' in me now, then I will be hurt tomorrow. If I don't want this to happen on me later on, then please! You really need to CHANGE! Put more EFFORT! Pray hard! Work Hard! (its not you, its me by the way. it just like i'm talking to myself)

*******

walau apa pun, hari ni aku macam punya sedikit semangat. a bit spirit from Him. starting Saturday night I begin to have flu. and getting sick from yesterday until today. Feel so terrible, my body shaking and getting drowsy. But this morning, a bit feel like want to have 'fresh start'. Well, there something good to hear from other person today about me.

I have a speaking practice with Mr. Hanna this evening and he said a lot of good things to me. Like he said, "Ain, you had improved so much! Since I met you in July last year, and now is almost April, a lot of improvement. Your fluency, comprehend, and also your speaking. You improved a lot. It is because you being 'pushed' to be in English. You have to hear English and write and understand all in English.

Well, if you really want it, thats the thing you need to do. Get into it.

Another thing we talk about toursim. There is a question in the practice about the impact of tourism other than economy. I just can think of the answer. Then he said, are you sure you can't think any other thing? I said,"Hmm..I can't think any of it.."

"That maybe because of you don't really go around to other places.."

yeah. that's true. I don't really go anywhere..

Then he started to question me few things. and try to get to his points. after all, he point out about EXPOSURE.

by meet different people, expose with different people from other places, it can broaden the mind. How it broaden the mind? By having different ways in looking at a thing. another thing is, we can have cultural exchange. increase interaction among peoples. encourage social interaction. meet them, talk to them, learn the ways and have the IDEAS..

I wish and really hope I can have the exposures! that's why I need to fly! and go to Canada. espcially to be in Toronto where many different people from other parts of the world is there.

Hmm.. Being 'exposed' .

However, technically could it be good?

Leave your prejudice!

I believe.
When you believe He is The Most Forgiveness
Repent is the only way for you to have a fresh 'start'


To have a fresh start, it means
to move foward and forget everything you’ve done
to have anything that u never have before - perhaps His Bless -
to sacrifice things that you 'love' but not things that you need
to let go anything that not your own but His own

anything it is, what is done is done
and it can't be undone if u don't like it.
but there's always room for CHANGE..
all the great experience u've had, the ups and downs..
those are precious..
something to treasure and to ponder upon treading a different path..
sometimes past mistakes will haunt us
and make us afraid to move foward
to run to the happiness
instead of 'happiness' of right now
whereas actually, you know something that maybe many people dont even know bout it
fears are there to be conquered..
our own faults, our own mistakes,
should not be the stone for us to proceed to gain His Bless
and get out from the 'darkness' of the life

However, can a fresh start really be a fresh start?

Yes. It can be.

Things you do will still haunt you
but remember it is a part of life that you need to live with it.
what had past, is qadho' and qadha. sudah suatu ketetapan.
He had set all that.
but in future and right now,
Allah knows everything.
You never know what is good for you
even you never know what is set for you
so please dont make conclusion
dont make judgement
dont prejudice to yourselve, and to Him
and what in your heart is much more important
and also what you are doing

Things you lose, you will gain back
Things you sacrifice will demand it’s pay
Because Paradise is only open to one that willing to pay
and also from His rahmat

Things you let go will occasionally come back
It will happen when you choose it to be.

There's always have such thing as 'Fresh start'
as you choose it
you choose the way that could lead your life out from darkness

You got one chance to live
One chance to make any decision
Live with it
Live with your decision
Learn from the consequences
Suffer from the catastrophes

Clocks are ticking clockwise
Nothing, nothing you can do to make it reversed

Live with the decision
Yes you could. create yourr life as you wish.
but to have a life as Allah's wish is rhe main thing
It is not easy as ABC
but it also not so hard to do as long as you know
what is the most essential thing in this life - His Bless -
as you will return to Him at last.

How to have a fresh start?
You dont need a start
because you've already started your life

and when u didnt want me
I wanted you because
The funny things about it is
I Iiked the show
I like it when it's difficult
I like it when it's hard
Then you know it's worth it
That you found your heart
Finding your heart

Adakah perlu ditangisi?

Assalamu'alaikum pembuka bicara.
Salam ke atas kalian baik jin mahupun manusia..

Hari ini dan semalam hari yang cukup mendebarkan.
Tergerak hati untuk membuat sedikit coretan hati..

Semalam internet rumahku sedikit terganggu lantas membantutkan hasrat untuk menyemak keputusan Biasiswa Luar Negara JPA.

Adakah hari ini hari mendukacitakan?

Entah seakan hari ini kurasakan berbeza dari hari yang lain. Ibarat impian meninggal kenangan. Di sana aku lepaskan yang menunggu berkecai harapan. Ya, hari ini hari pendaftaran Darul Quran dan hari ini hari jawapan kepada segala penantian. Melepaskan satu peluang menanti peluang yang lain namun peluang yang ditunggu tidak seperti yang diharap.huhu..tipulah kalau tak rasa sedih. rasa macam nak nangis je!! tp aku tahan.. i dont want to cry. qurratul dah besar kan..huhu..tp bila org yg mula tanya.~abah~ dpt jpa ke x? aku jawab xdpt. dengan tak tertahan terus hilang segala kekuatan lantas berguguranlah beberapa titis air mata kesedihan...tp tetap kaver2 dpn abah.

Aku pasrah Ya Allah.

Andai ini satu dugaan, jadikan aku orang yang bersabar dan redho dengan ketentuanmu.
Seseunggunnha aku yang lemah, jahil lagi hina dalam memahami hakikat takdirmu, maka berilah petunjukMu moga aku tergolong dalam golongan orang yang Kau beri petunjuk.


Syukran ya akhi zamil kerana memberi secebis kekuatan di saat hati terasa duka sebentar.

Tidak perlu ditangisi apa yang bukan milik kita.

Teringat aku dengan satu ucapan yang sering aku ucapkan kepada mereka yang bersedih dalam hidup kerana mendapat sesuatu musibah atau sesuatu yang tak seperti mereka harapkan..

La tahzan! Jangan bersedih..

Hidup ini amat singkat untuk berasa sedih. Kesedihan hanyalah suatu yang tidak dapat memberi kekuatan malah akan menyebabkan diri lebih mudah dipengaruhi syaitan. Aku tidak mahu dipengaruhi oleh makhluk terkutuk itu lantas aku cuba memujuk diri menerima kenyataan dan ketentuan Ilahi. Aku tidak menyalahkan takdir atas apa yang berlaku namun dalam masa yang sama aku tidak mahu menyalahkan diri kerana menyalahkan diri serupa sahaja seperti menyalahkan takdir. Mungkin hanya berupaya mengaku diri ini masih mempunyai banyak kelemahan. Namun kelemahan bukanlah untuk diratapi tetapi untuk diatasi dan diperbaiki.

Mungkin juga usaha yang belum mencukupi? Cukupkah doa? Cukupkah usaha?
Oh adakah aku tersalah faham. Allah itu tidak perlu bersandar pada usaha kita. Allah Maha Berkuasa. Andai Dia mahukan, pasti dia akan beri. Allah tu Maha Adil. Andai aku dah berusaha, maka natijahnya apa yang aku usahakan. Namun, andai tidak berjaya pasti ada hikmah yang tersembunyi. Dia Maha mengetahui perkara di masa hadapan. Dia lebih mengetahui apa yang terbaik buat diriku. Jadi, xperlu gusar akan keputusan ini. Mungkin ini yang terbaik juga ini satu ujian. Menguji adakah aku bertambah keimanan atau berkurang..Aku pasrah ya Allah. KepadaMu jualah aku berserah dan mengharap. Tiada kekuatan melainkan Engkau. tiada juga kuasa melainkan Dikau.


Wahai diriku cahaya penyejuk mata..
Orang beriman tak boleh bersedih dengan takdir. Orang beriman itu orang yang kuat. Orang yang beriman tak mengenal erti kalah. Orang beriman tak pernah jemu memohon. Orang beriman tidak pernah kecewa. Orang beriman tak akan berputus asa. Orang beriman tu kan sentiasa kuat semangat. Ya! Aku mahu jadi orang yang beriman dan bertakwa. Tak akan mengalah dengan dugaan.


Hidup perlu diteruskan dengan semangat perjuangan. Mari berjuang! Seperti nama penaku..everjihad = Sentiasa berjuang
Aja2!!Fightin'..