tamparan kalbu

astaghfirullahalazim
astaghfirullahalazim
astaghfirullahalazim...!

what  a shocking news that I received yesterday.
my own ***, someone that close to me, said she want to take off her hijab..
and another friend of mine told me something worst than that

OMG.. my own *** kotttt!!!!!

what does that mean to me?????

OMG..
how could this can happen?
What I've done so far throughout her difficult life???

I knew she has many other reasons but one of the thing when she said she not happy with islam, I feel like such a failure..

qu, engko belum baik lagi, kalau org sekeliling ko tak sama-sama baik.. tipu la ..nampak je mcm baik,  tapi kalau belum cukup membaikkan org lain belum lagi jadi baik

I feel soo bad. so so bad for myself. baru sekarang aku panik giler, terkelu tak terkata, n mula nak cari sources how to help her, to steadfast in islam. and I knew everything need to begin from fresh start. Giler shocking and panik. And truly disturbing. But, I have to have faith in Him.

I have to do something!!!!

I can't let people leave islam, because I do nothing much about it.
astaghfirullah..astaghfirullah..

ya Allah..
berita ni mmg buat jantung aku berdegup kencang n laju tahap 200km/h..
entah bila the last time jantung aku fastly beat.. (which is not a good sign)
buat aku tak senang duduk...

and I really afraid and I don't want it to happen.

How could someone thinking to leave islam when I am their ***mate?
ya Allah.. akhowat jenis apakah aku ni?????

astaghfirullahalazim!!!!

that shows that my existence is nothing.
my existence fail to jadi agen pembaikan, and make them stronger with islam.

astaghfirullah ..

ya Allah..

beri aku petunjuk..

I need Your help..

really please make them strong to be steadfast in Islam. 

grant them nur and understanding in the beauty of islam. 

make them happy with You and You are happy with them..

o Allah..
I beg you..

O Allah, warm her with Your mercy ...

p/s:  this is very emo post. and I knew se'emo' mana pun is useless, w/o +ve act.but  I knew I have to throw out the exploding feeling in me somewhere..

astaghfirullah..astaghfirullah..astaghfirullah..