Dear Abang

' Special dedicated this post for my brother '

Saujana - Selamat Hari Lahir.mp3

*to abang,

sorry if this post mixed up with Malay. Trying my best for not mixed it up.

Abang..

today you turned into.. err 24? I just try to calculate it just now. 2010-1986 =24! first word that comes from me, "wahhh..abang dah besar!! dah bleh kawen!.." hehe..but no joke la kan. I wondering whether your plan to get married at the age of 30 will be realized or not.

Its ok. That's your personal matter. It just I don't realize that time moves so fast and I can't believe that you really have grow up. 24. A big number to me. and I start looking at myself too that going to turn to 20 in couple of months. Just hard to believe it, I have grew up already and I'm no longer a little girl.

But that's not the matter. The most important part, thank mama for giving birth to you. Glad that you live in this world as a human being You the only Hero in our family, I'm sure she has a bigger hope on you. Not only her but abah too and of course us too.

You know what, one thing that I want to say to you which I'm sure I can't say this if you are in front of me! which is I always proud of you. I know you don't really like praise and love more for criticism but as the hist0rical of day you were born, which I feel it is significance, I just want to say things of what I feel about you and something that I wish I can say this to you.

I'm proud of your own way in taking every step in your life. You have such a unique personality that not many people had. Sometimes, I always admired how you take step for your life and how you embraced it by your own way.

including with your unique response as always in once upon time, when we usually used to ask you when you just went out,

"eh nak pegi mana?"

"pegi mati.."

aha..a good reminder indeed of death! That what I always kept telling myself even sometimes, such reply just a bit annoying though. Well that's you. You just don't like people being so nozy to you as you are not nozy to other right.

I can't really remember the other thing but that one of the most that I still remembered.

the other thing maybe I should not be proud of but things that I proud is the good value in you. Proud that I mean, it is not I'm proud to telling other people, how good you are. Its not until the stage where I have the capacity to show off having a brother like you. ahaks. not at all! hmm..i guess maybe I have misunderstood the word proud. do I? or maybe actually the right word is admire?

Hmm..

What eva..

The other good value that I wish to be good as you is you are such a dedicated student(but not really a dedicated brother though), which always have highest respect and appreciation to your teachers and knowledgeable people surround you.

talking about teachers, in the early beginning of my life in high school, back then I used to be known as 'adik Hidayat' more to the teachers in our school rather than my own name! anywhere I go, that title will always be the first for reference. if not you, 'adik iman'. Susah ada abang kakak yg dikenali ramai. adik dia pun kena tempias sekali. Sometimes at that time, I wondering what have you did to these most teachers until they can remember you very well?

I wish to be such a keen reader like you. Well, I guess you got the influence to read much from Kak Yang, right?

I still remembered during my school time, I always inspired to be good as your or better. Always inspired with success that you achieved. Is it you the best student during your time? Being among the best and top student in school somehow give me impact.

and then you used to monitor my progress you don't want me to make shame on you that have succeed. ahaks. Sometimes I just feel,...cittt...

there was one time, I feel jelaous to see you always get the 'brand' of the name. For example, in you life history, you ever been to MCKK. but then you move out. You have been tu UIA, but the the same thing went on, you went off. But still always there in your transcript of education history. well, that not much important.

Thinking of how significant you are to me?

Remembering what have you did to me and what I have done to you? Some memories were flashed back.

I just noticed that you are the one that somehow indirectly introducing me to the world of dakwah. I used to observed you authoring for Soutul Haq. Our school monthly dakwah pamplet. I always curious what you are doing. and just right I jump into my early ages of high school, I interested to continue doing what you did which is spread the good words and messages to people specifically to all students and teachers in that school. But still, always can't beat you in term of the quality of the pamplet such as the layout, contents and organization.

and I still remembered when Ustazah Haryati asked me to continue what you doing after you left the school and then invite me to join BADAR, that was like my first step jump into the world that known as 'dakwah'. That was form 2 and I was 14. Just because of Ustazah know you, it just like a magnet for good and valuable things came to me.

remembering our childhood memories, you left me a parut on my face. I still have the parut(I really cant remember what parut called in English..) on my face though. This happened where you accidently hit my face when playing teady bear with me in the car (on the way to singapore), and the teddy bears' nose a bit horny and scratch a bit my cheek.. I always remember where it come from and i guess you sure forgot about it. At that time, it's a bit hurt especially face! huhu. But I knew, you just wanna play with me, but over doing it. That when I was 5 or 8. Can't really remember when the exact time it took place.

talking about playing..

well.. I still remember, when I was little innocent girl sometimes I just feel like abang doesnt really care about me. Even not only you, when I was little kid, that know nothing much about love, which I'm thirsty of attention and care, I used to hate everybody in the house. I feel because of I'm just so little, no one care about me. That is just something ain't right. But couldn't help myself. That what I felt when I was kid. It's a challenge being youngest kid. Having big bro and sis that don't want play with you and you have no one else to play with, that just so dull for life as a kid.

Yeah I still remember, at one time, when I was litte girl, I asked you to come play with me. I can't really remember what sorts of game that I play at that time. I feel so lonely. Its not only you that I asked, but our other sisters too. Sadly no one seems care of my request. It just because I play the little kid stuffs. and one time, I cried under a table which I guess quite very long time and I stop by myself as I found no one want to pujuk me, or even care.

I don't know whether since that, I also don't really care about other people. Until now, I still could feel (I wonder whether it is the effect of my childhood experiences) where sometimes, I just don't really care about other people feeling. It is not intentionally but mostly indirectly. (at first I didn't knew this. but my dear friend do tell me once long time ago). I wonder now, is it because of there was one time where I used to feel no really one care bout my own feeling? I dont know. But that's not the case here. That is my personal problem. This post should to talk more about you as it is dedicated.

Well, as when I grow up, and start to learn about myself, I start to realize, you care about me in your own way. Even you hard to expressed it, but I can sense it from your act. You are not typical brother, but I do always feel encouraged with your advice and thoughts. Your advices are always wise. As you not always the nagging type, once you start bebel to me, I do really take note for myself.

Somehow, I do feel bad at one time where I am over emotional and start to fired u with bad words. I apologize for that. I dont' really remember what the exactly happened but something of quarrel over computer. I screamed to you like histeria people as I thought you have deleted all my important files. Bad memory that I dont even one to remember anymore. Luckily, you not smashed me back or anything.

We never have quarrel since we small. do we? Maybe I'm just too little for you to have a fight? Sometimes, I do feel jealous to see you and atih. Seems closed and I don't really feel any close and in touch to any of you guys. Well, even that so as I grew up, I always glad to be sister of you guys.

Abang,

at one time,

even so sometimes, I feel I wish I can have a better abang.

even so sometimes, I feel why you the one that be my abang.?

even so sometimes, I feel I want you be like other people's abang

because I feel I dont get enough from a abang. Maybe I'm person with high expectation.

But u will always be my abang.

Nur Hidayaht bin Hamzah.

One and only.

There's no other way someone can be like you.

but for now, of course we have another abang which is our new abang ipar, Abang Hafiz. =)

I wish to say, thank you for everything!

Thank you for not pampered me so much when I was kid. In other way to say thank you for not manjakan me and bring me to be a matured and an independent girl(when I was small I always wish you holding my hand when crossing the road.)

Thank you for always be my driver when I need.

which I also should thank you for making my heart beat strongly when to be in car with you and I have to always remember Allah n mengucap banyak2 if you are the driver.

Yeah.. I guess that's enough for now. I believe this quite much.

My hope and my wish, I hope you will getting married soon. =P..haha kidding. (i'm not that desperate to have a kakak ipar. i have many kakak already..) I hope you will succeed in anything you do. Even so you need to fail, I hope that brings you closer to Him.

May Allah always bless you and cherish your life with goodness.

May your days are blessed by Allah.

With that, I should end this post.

Warm wish and love

your beloved youngest sister,

Adik Qu.