monolog ...[2]

A piece of advice from Bro. Nouman Ali

Purify your heart by start the relationship with Allah

- legitimate zikir.

read quran more

He talks something about 'sense of urgency'

hu. that stucks me.

I think I lack of that

I don't feel the urgency to do my studies therefore I'm procastinating. even it seems not so 'bad' like I'm not into those entertainment stuff. Alhamdulillah 'ala kulli haal, I'm not being tested by addiction to manga, movie and those related things but coming on to myself, I being tested with other things. - managing priorities -

Always in my mind, hey am I doing this right? or maybe I shouldn't?

There's always something that I want to do that not even related with my typical 'work'. I love to work on something else. I've no idea why can't I have such passion that will boost me to do those things?

I always ask myself why?

I can't give the anwer.

What really interest me?

I may have the answer but not found the way.

I maybe in the state of denial. 

Sometimes a feeling of sabotage in myself.

Why can't I just keep on going the things that I 'should' do?

Finding the answer is not as hard as finding the solution.

Finding the solution is not as hard as to act on 

Yet, clarifying what's really a priority here is a tough question to me.

I remember where there was an old lady advised me,

you have a lot of things that may be fascinating to you. but you have to do what you have to do. you have to be where you should be. 

What I should be

What I should do

What I want to be

What I wanna do

What I have to be

What I have to do

critical ...

the answer maybe clear enough

but at some point, at a moment..

it just a feeling 

of losing the way

of losing the self