syahid tertangguh

"Walaupun Ammar seorang yang pendiam, Nur Azlina berkata, dia tetap disukai rakannya kerana sikapnya disenangi, suka bercakap bila perlu."
“Masa dia dengan kami pun tak banyak. Dia banyak mengembara dan dalam tempoh dua bulan cuti, dia mengikuti misi kemanusiaan kami ke Kemboja, melibatkan diri dalam program Ramadhan sekolah pelarian Rohingya di Klang dan program di Pesantren Hamka di Padang, Indonesia. Dia nampak seronok apabila berpeluang mempelajari selok-belok kerja sawah padi di Sik, Kedah.

“Kalau dia balik, tiada masa untuk lihat Ammar bersantai atau menonton televisyen. Masa banyak dihabiskan buat terjemahan drama TV Al Hijrah atau laporan projeknya di Kemboja dan sebagainya,” katanya.
“Ada tujuh perkara yang saya lihat pada diri Ammar, iaitu

1. visi yang dikaitkan dengan ALLAH dan Rasul,
2. wawasan ‘Ummati’ dan ‘Rahmatan lil Alamin’ (rahmat ke seluruh alam),
3. tanam rasa ketinggian pada ALLAH,
4. baca al-Quran setiap hari,
5. solat sunat Tahajud sekurang-kurangnya seminggu sekali,
6. mengkaji ilmu sejarah Islam, mendalami kitab Risalah An- Nur 
7. mempelajari bahasa Turki.

“Keseluruhannya, saya lihat ada tiga nilai penting yang saya perhatikan sebelum dia meninggal, iaitu

1. keikhlasan Ammar membuat kerja,
2. lakukan kerja bersungguh sungguh dan
3. suka menolong orang lain

source : genap sebulan

hampir menghampiri

kematian itu hampir.
Allah itu lebih hampir.
maka hampirlah dikau pada Yang Hampir.
kerehatan hanyalah selepas kematian.
persiapkanlah kematian yang menghidupkan.

Robarts Library,
29 Muharram 1435H

They Forgot Themselves - Because They Forgot Allah (swt)

erti pertemuan

dengan nama Ilahi,

mahu aku coretkan sesuatu

tentang sebuah pertemuan yang kumaknai

setiap pertemuan,

memberi erti

setiap pertemuan,

membuat aku mengenali

akan susuk peribadi

semakin menginjak usia, 

semakin hari semakin dewasa.

setiap pertemuan,

tersirat seribu hikmah

setiap pertemuan,

adalah aturan Tuhan

kehendak Dia yang mengizinkan

setiap pertemuan,

menjadi saksi

setiap pertemuan,

meneguhkan hati

setiap pertemuan,

menghidupkan ruhi

setiap pertemuan,

menggerakkan amali

setiap pertemuan,

mendekati Ilahi

itulah pertemuan hati

yang mahu mencintai dan dicintai

oleh al Malik Rabbul Izzati

290913

metafora "cinta"

sudah lama
diri ini tak bermadah pujangga
namun semalam hati mahu berkata-kata
semoga kata-kata ini berbicara
kepada mereka yang mendamba

saat engkau mengenal cinta
kemudian terjatuh cinta
seterusnya mula mengejar cinta
perhatikanlah cinta di dalam jiwa
apakah engkau hamba cinta
atau hamba Pencipta?

cinta seharusnya
memerdeka jiwa
bukan memenjara
jauh sekali mengurung rasa

kerana cinta
mencetus bahagia
indah terasa

kerana cinta
menggugah jiwa
kekuatan terbina
untuk terus berusaha

walau hakikat tidak seindah rupa
namun cinta mengubah segalanya

andai cinta
engkau harap balasnya
mungkinkah benar itu cinta?

andai engkau diterima cinta
itu kurnia-Nya
tanda perkenan Pemilik cinta
sudah tiba masanya
untuk cinta itu dibaja
di daerah yang berbeza

andai engkau ditolak cinta
itu ujian dari-Nya
untuk menyucimu dari noda
untuk dikau kembali meneliti cinta
perhalusi ertinya
perbaharui nilainya
perkasakan budinya
dengan sepenuh jiwa

dan seharusnya
cukup sekadar engkau mencinta
tanpa mengharap balasnya
pasti tidak mengundang kecewa
yang ada hanyalah bahagia
kerana engkau hanyalah seorang hamba
jua kerana cintamu bukan cinta biasa
cintamu memerdeka jiwa
dari hamba kepada cinta
menjadi hamba kepada Pencipta

dan jua kerana cintamu cinta istimewa
mencinta sebagai seorang hamba
untuk meraih redha-Nya
dan Dia Maha berkuasa
atas segala-galanya

Allahu'alam.

Januari 23, 2013
Abrar baytuna
Toronto, Canada.

23th birthday

Bismillah ..

Dear myself,

23 years ago you were born on this beautiful day by a strong woman who carried you in her belly to wherever she goes for 9 months. You were delivered to this world by the grace of Allah.

When you were a baby, the only thing you knew were getting feeded, had a good sleep either days or nights. You cried for attentions and pleasures. Any discomfort will make you cranky.

When you were kids, you had no idea on limitation. You learn to walk and get stumbled. You learn to get up and fall again. But nothing can stop you from keep walking. That's the way you learn how to walk with your two little feets.

When you getting older, you learn to run. You keep running until the finish line. You never quit in competition. You were determined with what you believe in yourself. No matter how much you had failed, you still believe you will make it somehow. You set your target as high as the stars in sky. Even so you never reached the sky, you keep your head up high. Knowing that, nothing can stop you if He wills and if you really want it. And you know what you really want. You believe in Him and in all your dreams.

and today, He places you in different part of the world. A place that has different expectations on you, people that treats you differently from the way you were treated, different atmosphere and different ideas on life.

You see beautiful things surround you, beautiful people as well beautiful meaning of this life. You feel the beauty by His grace. Experiences are the best teacher. He blessed you with life lessons along the journey. He wants you to learn about yourself and your Creator. Having total reliance in Him.

This life is beautiful.
When you are grateful.
Beautify your heart and soul.

This life is precious.
Embrace it to the fullest.

This life is priceless.
Appreciate what you have.

This life is wonderful.
When you believe The Most Merciful.

This life has a purpose.
Fulfill your purpose of life
As the way He wants you to live

You are here,
Because He wants you so.

• "I am yours and you are mine" •

happy 23th birthday.

best,
yourself

4:44pm
Sidney Smith
May 22, 2013.

movingforward

Bismillah

Today is my second psychology class of my 4th year undergraduate in Canada.

One of the lessons talked about depression.
People are usually depressed when they are lonely.
When they experienced social withdraw, live in their 'cave' and disengaged with real people.

sometimes you can't deny
you might feel lonely and alone
when you don't really have someone to talk to
but even if you do, you don't feel to talk to them.
or they are just someone you can't talk with.
or maybe you can't find someone
that you can share something deep and personal
or maybe they are just someone you find hard to accept
and you are stuck

acceptance
something that come from your heart
heart can be hurt
once, twice, and losing counts

sometimes it hurts
because for your own stupidity
because of your own choice
and your rusty jahiliyyah

what you are now
are the consequence of the past
and what you are in future
depends on what you are now

the past can be forgiven
but its hard to forget

how I wish
I can buried all the bad memories
that makes me feel so stupid
since they were ignorance

1221a
~healing~

futur, help.

bismillah.

"futur, help."

ringkas mesejnya. namun terkandung sarat penuh harapan. 
engkau masih punya kekuatan itu. juga satu nikmat dan kurnia.

sesuatu yang aku pelajari, 
sungguh kadangkala kita tidak menghargai nikmat-nikmat yang Allah beri
salah satunya kekuatan  hati

kekuatan sanubari
hatta untuk bersemuka dan bersama serikandi
mereka yang mahu menghidupkan kebaikan ukhrawi dan duniawi

dan kekuatan itu harus dicari
bukan niat di hati mahu menjauhi
mungkin kadang kala kerana lemahnya hati

bukan tak mengerti
apa itu bukti

bukan tak memahami
lumrah jalan ini

namun saat nikmat ditarik Ilahi
saat kelemahan dan kekuatan diuji
apakah makin mendekat atau menjauhi
mungkinkah berpaling dari hakikat risalah ini

walau hanya sekadar dua kalimah pesanan ringkas.
jauh di sudut hati punya maksud yang mendalam, penuh makna.

something that I learnt from the past,
sesegan mana pun untuk 'kembali' pada akhawat,
it won't be helpful to keep the distance.

Allahu musta'an.

coretan hati sambil menanti fajar,
Moga hari ini jauh lebih baik dari semalam.

dinihari,
5:35am

scattered thoughts

bismillah ..

just now I met two of my professors. for the second professor that I met, I bombarded him with a tonne of questions more about life that no so academics-related. I just feel to know about him more as a person besides as a professor. Well, I found out that it is pretty good feeling to talk about how I feel and ask how do other people feel and managed the challenges that I felt in pertaining to questions of life.

one of the questions that I asked him,
what university means to you?

and one part from his answer that captured me was "to teach student how to think".

When I get home, it makes me think somehow.
How can a professor which is a human teach other human how to think?

I found it is amazing to think of this.

I'm trying to relate with my personal belief that, in the Quran Allah used to teach us how to think, challenged us to think deeper.

--
Where does knowledge come from?
How do human obtain knowledge? From not knowing, to know, and understand and ability to teach others. It is amazing to think where does knowledge come from. How knowledge is created and of course the source of knowledge in truth I knew it is from Allah.

--
To think my purpose of being here, usually get me into conflict and clash of perceptions. To hold into principle that, what you are doing currently is just a mean, and not a goal, is something easier to be uttered than to imply. In real, it found it very tricky when it comes that our actions reflect what it means to us.

My father used to remind me that the purpose I am there, is to get the degree and come back.
However that is not a satisfying reason for me.

I realized that at one point in my life where I start to question more and being more critical in what I'm doing.

What does this means to me?
Why I'm doing what I'm doing?
What is the purpose I'm doing this?
What is the real reason of all this?
Where this will lead me?

Being in a secular system,  I found it very hard to relate on what I personally belief and how things work to others.

Begin with end in mind, as the pious people said. Make sure your hereafter as your ultimate goal as a believer.

Day by day, I learn what is the rule in life that you have to adhere.

I truly can sense the value of motivation.
What drives us to do what we do?

It comes with why we do what we do
What gets me to wake up from the sleep?

What drives me to worship Him?

When I start losing a sense of urgency, a sense of purpose, that is where I start losing my connection with my Creator. That is where my relationship with Him and His words broke up.I am in the dark time where I truly struggle in fixing that broken relationship which I had also losing myself.


living in the west that people keep running for 'freedom'.  i found myself as well to be free .. free in my own way and definition 

----

to teach people how to think, and change the way people think is something amazing.
What bring the change?

--

I have to accept and admit that, in life there are something that we are good at it and something that we are weak. Not let weakness weaken you but to strengthen you within your strength.

Focus on what you are good at will give you strength.
rather keep on the bad feeling you have with something that you weak.

to acknowledge your strength, is important.

--

how would you define and value what is important?
How would you decide what is important? the same as how you define what important is.

How can you value something is important, since what is valuable is important.

--
is giving up is a loser?

am I a loser?

--
everyone is struggle
--
"I don't really pay attention to details. "

..
but islam teach me to pay attention as well to little things.

what is little what is not?
what is important what is not?
what is priority? depends on what and how your value and goal.

---


seeking the answer is part of what drive me ..
question.

what do I seek in life?
What do I want?
What do I want to get out of it?

--

the nature of human, or the need for human to know where they come from. it is important to them by nature. the same as to understand nd know the root, just like when you learn arabic. it is very important to know the roots. therefore, to learn history is to know your roots. where does it come from?

----
Ingredients that you need and how you make your meal different than the others.

Degree is just a license, he said. Just like you are having a driving license. It proves that you able to do certain things. Acquire certain skills. While skills according to him (J.reilly), is something that you mastered and able to pass on to others.

I write it before others so I don't need to read what others write.

---

Learning and studying history, what does it means to me?

i am finding greater reason that may push me to looking forward.
the first step should be just do it. do the reading.

how do you know something is interesting if you don't try it out?
how can assume something is not enjoyable when you not even take the chance to live with it?

am I had truly dedicate my life, my time, my energy for this?

the answer is absolutely.
because I don't really have the belief that is the utmost important in my life. or also maybe because the way I perceive it that leads how I did.

since what I did is based on how I think, also how I feel.

since the reason is not strong enough, or maybe as well the wills. well, wills come from interest, and driven by motivation in doing something.


if you just don't feel that something is important or valueable to you, you won't really do much towards that related to it. as same as sahabah that willing to sacrifice their life to protect rasulullah. jumping high and being attacked by arches, just for the sake securing him since the love that he has, and valuing how precious is rasulullah is.

so if i don't really value academic as something very precious, i might not work much towards it.
but i do value opportunity. opportunity in wide range. not really related to academic. but the opportunity to live with peace of mind, good, great, harmony, useful, contribute.

well but then how would you define  and decide what is 'academic'? I knew that all this while I had fallen into 'subjectivity'. Life is artistic. everything can be very  subjective. Depends on how you see, how you perceive, and  utmost is how you DEFINE.

ahh.. i dont know what am I crapping but this is all what in my head after quite a long time I'm trapped and kinda stuck, confused, lost  in what am I into...

finding way to move forward.

o Allah. guide me.
10:10PM