impian and 'goals'

terbaca blog ukhti fathiyyah. dah kawin. aku kalau tengok yg married ni memang cepat tertarik macam magnet. apatah lagi la kalau still student..memang sangat2 kagum. how they manage their life.

there is someone in my mind that I'm really impressed. ada je few other couple lain..

hu.

ada some interesting post. how she reflects herself. aku yang baca ada jugakla dapat manfaat. untuk islah diri, insha Allah. buat renungan..

sambil baca dengar pulak si lydia sembang-sembang dengan husna housmate aku cakap pasal kawin.

aish..awat la deme ni sembang pasal kawin.

hu. kawin oh kawin. memang takkan basi la cerita kawin2 ni selagi kita tak kawin! 

rasa macam dah lama tinggalkan pemikiran untuk kawin. sama ada buat masa ni atau untuk masa akan datang. rasa macam dah lama tak fikir.

perlu ke nak fikir?

perlu ke nak fikir sekarang?

mungkin perlu. mungkin tidak. depends.

si makcik tu berbunyik,

''by 35 you must have at least 2 babies. the doctor told me after 35 you will no longer productive"

my mum gave birth to me when she was 40. 

she's not bad, ay?

cayalah mama aku!

erm, hebat kuasa ALLAH tu.

but thats not really the matter that I want to point here.

last few days i guess, my housemates did talk about marriage thingy. until one moment, i told them, 

'don't just talk about your dream husband. what about think of how many children you wanna have?'

then they asked me,

'ain, how many children do you want?'

ohho.. 

soklan cepumas sungguh.

the answer?

'as much as i can! i wish to have twins..', i replied them.

haha. isn't that the 'easiest' way to get 'as much' as we can? 

just imagine if twins for 3 times or may be triplet. hmm.. in 5 years we may get 6 or 10kids. wow. isn't that awesome?

ah. berangannya Qurratul ni. panjang betul mimpi dia..

eh. bukan mimpi da. tinggi cita-cita tuh. [poyo kejap. back up diri sendiri]

abah pernah kata, 

cita-cita tinggi tu cetusan iman.

ha! see.. {iye la..pandai je dia nak goreng..};

tapi anak ramai is not the goal. yang goalnya nak capai mardhotillah. nak gapai redha Allah. anak ramai ke, anak sikit ke, ada anak ke, takde anak ke it's not really the matter as those are only wasilah (penghubung), ok.

farah pernah sebut kat aku, jangan sebut impian. tapi sebut 'Goal'.

apa beza impian dengan goal ni? impian bila kita sebut kita mungkin terasa itu satu mimpi. tak mungkin terjadi. tapi kalau kita tukar kepada goal ataupun matlamat, walau nampak macam mustahil tapi boleh diusahakan.

I don't know. It just that, when I heard Lydia said, your productivity will reduced after 35, it just strucks me and makes me think.

memang mentaliti barat (aku ada baca buku ape ntah. dia siap kasi statistik), kalau tak silap subject individual and families, pasal perubahana fenomena dulu dan sekarang. women tends to delay their marriage because of school ~ to get higher education. 

kenapa perlu higher education? 

to get good and better job.

education = income

itu antara matlamat depa. tapi itu matlamat aku studi ke? oh.. tidak sekali. matlamat aku lagi tinggi dari tu la weh! apa barang studi setakat nak dapat kerja jadi 'kuli'? aku tak mahu jadi kuli duniawi. sori ar beb. aku nak jadi kuli sejati only pada Allahu Rabbi.

kalau lelaki, mereka masih mampu membebaskan sperm even if they are already 80! tapi kalau perempuan? ada limit dia. usia 20-an memang waktu yang sangaaat subur utk perempuan to produce.

it's just a question of,

ARE YOU READY GURL?

oh man. thinking of to have a baby/babies, (even I don't have a husband yet), makes me a bit scared. Scared because I think I still not prepared. What have I prepared so far? 

Tapi kalau nak fikirkan sangat apa yang kurang, macam low self-esteem la pulak. nak tunggu diri sempurna mati la tak kawin2 kot. Kena pandai-pandai balance. Kena tau apa yang kurang, apa yang ada. Dari situ, top up la yang mana perlu, yang mana termampu. 

{pandai2 je dia nasihat diri sendiri ye}

baitul muslim yang nak dibina bermula dari individu yg berjiwa dan berperibadi muslim.

do you know what is my wish? ( or I should change it into goals? :D)

i wish that dream will come true.

or maybe I shoud change that.

I want to work on that dream to be true!

Well, I don't know who I'm going to marry to.

I'm still praying, searching, waiting ..

i want to marry 'someone'... that can makes me to be someone! 

siapa dia tu ye? malu pulak nak tulis kat sini.

takpela. kita simpan je. My secret with Him! ^_~

ikutkan hati, tak nak kawin lambat2. 

ikutkan hati nak je anak cepat.

sebelum segalanya terlambat.

Allahu'alam.

Allahumusta'an