crash

Bismillah..

O Allah,
I don't know why my heart feel so sad right now. My crashed laptop really strucks my heart. I don't make latest back up data. I do have something that I love in it and now it's probably gone. The repair cost is way too high.

 I told my sister and it seems like the same thing the guy at future shop told me. It seems helpless.

Hati terasa kosong kejap. kalau nak guna laptop, kena guna orang lain punya which I can't ask people most of the time. It makes me feel bad.

tapi life is unpredicted and unexpected kan. I never expect that I will experience this. dan sangat terasa dengan ujian yang satu ni. terasa sebagai 'ujian kehilangan'...

losing something that I love..
dan perasaan tu terasa peritnya.
tapi tau kena tabah.
tapi tau kena sabar.
dan tau itu ujian.
dan tau Allah tu ada.


tau je.
tapi dalam hari hanya Allah je tau perit dia.


dan kehilangan yang satu ni sangat terasa. kena restore system. kena back up data. terfikir sesuatu, kalau crash dalam hidup, mungkinkah punya peluang hidup kedua? yang dapat back up dan restore segalanya.

dan saat itu aku terfikir sesuatu..
kehilangan yang tersayang. tak kiralah apa jua. saat itu baru kita betul-betul hargai setiap peluang yang ada. dan tidak sewenang-wenangnya mensia-siakan peluang yang ada (seperti guna laptop orang untuk kepentingan dan keperluan ssesuatu)

dan saat ditimpa ujian dan musibah, apakah terus hati ini beristighfar?

innalillahi wainna ilaihi raji'un
sesungguhnya dari Allah kami datang dan kepada-Nya kami kembali

ya Allah..
aku lemah tanpa-Mu
sucikan kalbuku
mengharap inayah dan maghfirah-Mu
permudahkan segala urusanku
moga ujian dari-Mu
menjadi kifarah dosa-dosaku

impian and 'goals'

terbaca blog ukhti fathiyyah. dah kawin. aku kalau tengok yg married ni memang cepat tertarik macam magnet. apatah lagi la kalau still student..memang sangat2 kagum. how they manage their life.

there is someone in my mind that I'm really impressed. ada je few other couple lain..

hu.

ada some interesting post. how she reflects herself. aku yang baca ada jugakla dapat manfaat. untuk islah diri, insha Allah. buat renungan..

sambil baca dengar pulak si lydia sembang-sembang dengan husna housmate aku cakap pasal kawin.

aish..awat la deme ni sembang pasal kawin.

hu. kawin oh kawin. memang takkan basi la cerita kawin2 ni selagi kita tak kawin! 

rasa macam dah lama tinggalkan pemikiran untuk kawin. sama ada buat masa ni atau untuk masa akan datang. rasa macam dah lama tak fikir.

perlu ke nak fikir?

perlu ke nak fikir sekarang?

mungkin perlu. mungkin tidak. depends.

si makcik tu berbunyik,

''by 35 you must have at least 2 babies. the doctor told me after 35 you will no longer productive"

my mum gave birth to me when she was 40. 

she's not bad, ay?

cayalah mama aku!

erm, hebat kuasa ALLAH tu.

but thats not really the matter that I want to point here.

last few days i guess, my housemates did talk about marriage thingy. until one moment, i told them, 

'don't just talk about your dream husband. what about think of how many children you wanna have?'

then they asked me,

'ain, how many children do you want?'

ohho.. 

soklan cepumas sungguh.

the answer?

'as much as i can! i wish to have twins..', i replied them.

haha. isn't that the 'easiest' way to get 'as much' as we can? 

just imagine if twins for 3 times or may be triplet. hmm.. in 5 years we may get 6 or 10kids. wow. isn't that awesome?

ah. berangannya Qurratul ni. panjang betul mimpi dia..

eh. bukan mimpi da. tinggi cita-cita tuh. [poyo kejap. back up diri sendiri]

abah pernah kata, 

cita-cita tinggi tu cetusan iman.

ha! see.. {iye la..pandai je dia nak goreng..};

tapi anak ramai is not the goal. yang goalnya nak capai mardhotillah. nak gapai redha Allah. anak ramai ke, anak sikit ke, ada anak ke, takde anak ke it's not really the matter as those are only wasilah (penghubung), ok.

farah pernah sebut kat aku, jangan sebut impian. tapi sebut 'Goal'.

apa beza impian dengan goal ni? impian bila kita sebut kita mungkin terasa itu satu mimpi. tak mungkin terjadi. tapi kalau kita tukar kepada goal ataupun matlamat, walau nampak macam mustahil tapi boleh diusahakan.

I don't know. It just that, when I heard Lydia said, your productivity will reduced after 35, it just strucks me and makes me think.

memang mentaliti barat (aku ada baca buku ape ntah. dia siap kasi statistik), kalau tak silap subject individual and families, pasal perubahana fenomena dulu dan sekarang. women tends to delay their marriage because of school ~ to get higher education. 

kenapa perlu higher education? 

to get good and better job.

education = income

itu antara matlamat depa. tapi itu matlamat aku studi ke? oh.. tidak sekali. matlamat aku lagi tinggi dari tu la weh! apa barang studi setakat nak dapat kerja jadi 'kuli'? aku tak mahu jadi kuli duniawi. sori ar beb. aku nak jadi kuli sejati only pada Allahu Rabbi.

kalau lelaki, mereka masih mampu membebaskan sperm even if they are already 80! tapi kalau perempuan? ada limit dia. usia 20-an memang waktu yang sangaaat subur utk perempuan to produce.

it's just a question of,

ARE YOU READY GURL?

oh man. thinking of to have a baby/babies, (even I don't have a husband yet), makes me a bit scared. Scared because I think I still not prepared. What have I prepared so far? 

Tapi kalau nak fikirkan sangat apa yang kurang, macam low self-esteem la pulak. nak tunggu diri sempurna mati la tak kawin2 kot. Kena pandai-pandai balance. Kena tau apa yang kurang, apa yang ada. Dari situ, top up la yang mana perlu, yang mana termampu. 

{pandai2 je dia nasihat diri sendiri ye}

baitul muslim yang nak dibina bermula dari individu yg berjiwa dan berperibadi muslim.

do you know what is my wish? ( or I should change it into goals? :D)

i wish that dream will come true.

or maybe I shoud change that.

I want to work on that dream to be true!

Well, I don't know who I'm going to marry to.

I'm still praying, searching, waiting ..

i want to marry 'someone'... that can makes me to be someone! 

siapa dia tu ye? malu pulak nak tulis kat sini.

takpela. kita simpan je. My secret with Him! ^_~

ikutkan hati, tak nak kawin lambat2. 

ikutkan hati nak je anak cepat.

sebelum segalanya terlambat.

Allahu'alam.

Allahumusta'an

i miss you too

ibrah ckp dgn mama

pesan mama,

jgn fb je. takya bz body tgk fb org. tgk sndiri punya sudah la.

bnyk buku nak kena baca!

pasal org msia kena tahan. kata mama ramai budak perempuan malaysia kena tipu dengan orang hitam. orang selit dadah dekat airport.

mama raise this issue. Dia risau pasal keselamatan and I knew what she is thinking.

Then, bagitau mama markah exam baru keluar dan sangat teruk..

kata mama,

exam. tu la jangan ambik mudah lain kali. nape dpt markah sikit?

hu. jgn amik mudah. mmg tepat kena batang hidung. zzaass..

"kena repeat ke?", tanya mama.

i'm not that critical la smpai kena repeat paper. repeat means = fail.
hmm. it could be as this is not final. i'm not sure. nauzubillahimin zalik.

mama nangis at the end.. mama said. i miss you. and i said i miss u too. hu.

but i knew she miss a lot and more than me. more than i miss her. why? becaause when the time i'm busy i might tend to forget her for a while. but i knew she will never forget me in anytime.

i just smile to her with the sweetest smile i could (until my lesung pipit showed), just to cheer her up and I knew she missed my smile.

and by the time she talked to me, i knew she can't bear to talk eye-to-eye with me as I knew she unable to continue the conversation as soon she see me in front of her eyes. dalam hati, i wonder, nape la mama ni cakap tak pandang skrin. pandang sana sini. huhu. I knew the reason why..

ma,
i knew how dear am i to you..
i just keep the tears inside me
i don't want to make you sad
i want to make you happy
I wish I could ..

syaitan kan terer!

pesanan askar yang telah diubahsuai mengikut kesesuaian..

berhati2lah ngn sesiapa.  walaupun mcm rasa mcm takde ape2. dia tetap ajnabi. jaga pergaulan. syaitan kan tere. huhu. jauhi awal2 pintu2 mslh hati. ckp straight to the point, pendek, tegas.

lepas dah byk org terbabas, walhal mereka berhati2 ssgt jgak! terbuktilah kehebatan pak tan..huhu..memang licik, halus.

jazakillah!!

main point,

Guard yourself. Have your iman.
jagalah pergaulan, jagalah pergaulan, jagalah pergaulan.
awas. syaitan mudah menembak dan masuk dimana-mana arah tika kita terleka dan lalai seketika.

pesanan Syaikh 'Ala Elsayed,

When it comes to halal haram ..watch yourself

Follow the sunnah of the prophet.

Why we do sunnah of the prophet ..

Come back to quran and sunnah.

Be loyal to Alah.

Chek your heart

Look urself in mirror.

Your heart at ease when remember Allah. 

Where is your taqwa?

Taqwa is when no one else see your action

Does Allah come first in your life?

Think!
Who owns you?

----

Qiamulail is the key. 
Nothing better than qiamulail.

When u master qiamulail, you will get the sweetness. you will Get immunity.

Start very slow, qiamulail can be anything after isha’ where  3 –parts of night. 

You may start from isya’  or start 20mins before fajr.

The last third is the best. Why? Everybody sleep. Allah turun. He descends and ask His angel.

Who asking to him during that time? He will gives anything that he wishes.

The best time to do extra prayers is in the last part of the night.  The Prophet (peace be upon him) said, 

"When the last one third of the night remains, our Lord, the Glorious One, descends towards the lower heaven and proclaims: 'Is there anyone supplicating to Me so that I grant his supplication? Is there anyone begging of Me for anything so that I grant him his wish? Is there anyone who seeks My forgiveness so I forgive him?'"

by al-Bukhari (also by Muslim, Malik, at-Tirmidhi and Abu Dawud). 

In a version by Muslim the Hadeeth ends with the words: And thus He continues till [the light of] dawn shines.

pesanan buat diri sendiri pastinya, peringatan sesama kita yang beriman.