my mother's cry

nanti skype mama, dik

doakan mama, dik..

jangan bangun lambat-lambat..

study dik..

that's her whisper

ma..
sunyinya rumah bila dikqu balik
i couldn't help myself from let a gallon of tears coming by
for every corner of this house
for every inch has your step
as the small house that we live together
how close we are in the short time
i couldn't imagine that today i send you back to the airport

from the first few days you are here, i hold my tears for not to cry
as i feel i can't bear to send you back.

i feel so weak whenever i think for that moment.
trying to cherish every moment with you
not ever think you going to leave me soon after
and  live in this house harmonily

when i came back to this house
i couldn't hold my tears
how i feel so alone to see this empty house
how i miss all so much

i miss to hear abah's voice
or know to be 'lecture'
i miss to see his eye close and open
when the time he recite his wirid
sleep late night..reading kitabs

i miss to see you in the kitchen
see you cooking dishes
and teach me some

i miss the time
when i get back home
and see both of you are here with me

how i miss to kiss your hands
when the time before i leave home to class

how dearly i miss it

now far apart you gonna leave me
far away you come with thousand of miles
just one thing is your only intention
is to see me

how dear you are to me
hoping may Allah bless you always

i thought i am strong
but not as strong as in emotion

how i wish i can fly
to come to you and kiss in mile

i hope all this is lie
but the truth is i have to realize
to them i can't rely

i feel it is like yesterday huging you
fetched you at the airport
how time passing by quickly

when i reach back home,
i don't know what to do
my heart and my mind feels so empty
i take my shower with intention
hoping Allah purify my soul

i try to do what you ask me to
i fail to follow what you ask me not to
time by time passing by
i sat on the floor
touch the coldness of the tile
makes my heart melt
when abah gets in my mind
cleaning the floor hardly with recycled tree

oh Allah..
you know me very well
you know deep inside my heart
you know my wishes
my pure wish to come true
even the reality its hard to be true

I let you to decide
putting my trust in You
is all i can do

12 Aug 2010/ Late summer/ 2 Ramadhan 1431H
08:33PM, 0701- Centre Avenue