rapuh dalam langkah engkau yang setia cinta dalam jiwa kerana itu aku berbicara walau mungkin mengundang luka maafkan wahai hati aku tidak sempurna cinta itu mungkin belum hadir
ku harap
hati ini tidak rapuh
ku harap
diri ini dapat setia
maafkanlah
bila hati tak sempurna
mencintai-Mu
dalam dada
ku harap
diri-Mu yang bertakhta
kadang tak setia kepada-Mu
namun cinta dalam jiwa
ku harap hanyalah pada-Mu
maafkanlah
hati ini tak sempurna mencintai-Mu
setulus hatiku
being diagnosed for Narcolepsy won't make any difference.
even so if being diagnosed as ADHD.
no matter what ever disorder you may have,
prove yourself,
you can make difference.
to be weak is not an option.
even so to be strong is hard.
to give up is not an option.
isn't you call yourself, everjihad, no?
come on la. takkan lembik sangat kot?
manja? euww
You make me feel special,
You make me feel new,
You make me feel loved,
With everything you do.
You hold me close when I am sad.
You wipe the tears from my heart
and always want me to feel better,
Every time we are together,
It always a good feeling I have
My heart light up when you my personal life
I smile cheerfully when we are together.
No matter how bad things are,
You always make them look better to me
I love the way you are
The way you hold my courage
I love the way you touch my senses,
I could be with you all night.
Just to inspire and to be inspired
I love the way you can make me laugh
For absolutely no reason at all.
I love how no matter what I do,
You will be there to catch me when I fall.
I just want you to know,
That even though your words might sound harsh,
I will always love you!
No matter what, day or night.
I am touched the way you show your love by care.
I learn how should I care about myself before others will care about me.
this poem originally made by Amanda.S but modify by me.
law of attraction. vibrational reality manifest .. care about present, not past and not also future. present is future. "our best work is to sue your resistance" the problem in negative on how you performing, passionate, love, desire, that are reasons that you feel so bad. you have expectations too high on yourself. it is your own, it is not theirs. you are upset because you are not who you are my perceptions and their perceptions .. your perceptions might not relevant to your own perception what really make you expand? your success is off-base.
the best part of vortex is going in, which makes trouble makers important in exhilarating life i completely looking forward to ignore your opinion for me to develop myself. ~ since thinking too much of other people's opinion make me stuck and not progressive~ going back in. if you don't come out you will miss the best part.
side note:
it is pretty slightly different situation when others are not judging you but you feels like people are judging. That feeling of anxiety are something that truly need help to be fixed. You may feel 'fine' and secure if your Lord is the judge. Since God's judgement will always be fair, but you can't guarantee people's judgment and perception. and being someone who has fear of 'perception' really something ain't cool. Which something that I hate to being back in that state of 'unfree'. But looking at the brighter side, 'stepping back' seems like a step in moving forward and having a better sense, and wisdom. Well, being "free" are just too abstract to think of and pretty subtle.. Nothing is free in this world. Only paradise we will be free.
p/s :you got to do what you got to do! It is never easy but there is price for every hardship and " it is not about how you start the race but it is how you end it." -
bit by bit, I learn the value and price that I have to pay for not applying or dis value over something. Being completely aware in becoming an adult, shaping my thoughts, behavior, habits, attitudes and development truly experiences that are priceless. It is a great feeling to see yourself growing up just like a feeling in seeing a baby growing. From crawling to walking and running and jumping, etc. Truly these experiences and being able to reflect and contemplate upon oneself in personal level and gaining wisdom from it are truly a great great blessing. Alhamdulillah 'ala kulli haal. .
In a very hectic time where everyone busy with themselves, we will never know a person really care about us until they really prove that they really really care. Truly even the close one might fail in the test of proving and act upon it. It is not about being judgmental on who care about us, and who is not. But, it is something interesting to see who are real and true and who are not. Yet, this self-assessment give me some direction on who are 'filtered', who one that I knew for real and true. But it is not fair to 'pukul sama rata'. Well, it's not about them, it just about myself. Plus, I knew the basic thing, Allah is my caretaker. Allah care for me all the time. Isn't Allah is enough for me, when no one might not even care about myself, or even myself start on losing to have the sense to really care of myself. But indeed, Allah's love and mercy never stop on making me impress when I try to reflect and contemplate.
I am touched with people surround me, even so in a very hectic life, they still have the sense to show how much they really care me. The personal assessment are something interesting, useful and insighful. Now I knew for real, not many people really care about us. We might have thousands of friends and sisters, but specifically those that really truly care might be too little and can be count. This is not a disappointment since there is no point to be disappointment that just lead to another problem. Also, I have no right to judge anyone. I have to make good assumptions that their situation as well make them unable to care and need help. My point here, it is the time for me to be real and eliminate assumptions, and limit the expectations. Expect nothing from other people to avoid frustrations and disappointment in later time and expect the most from your own self. Even the one that seems very close to us, no guarantee will be the person that care so much about ourselves. It can be disappointing to see that to happen, but it is not practical to be disappointing by little things. It's not worth it. It just that right now, when I took a step back, having sometime for myself, that I knew and value the value of being caring and sensitive towards people surround. It can be so hurt when the one that close to you might care but its not shown, the same as the reality in this world which something for us to think about. It is truly a hurt and painful feeling. I don't care how much you know you should care but I care how much you really care. But questioning oneself, have I really show how much I care to other people? It is simple to pointing finger direct to our ownself since we knew we can change while other people can never be expected to change in a split second or in single night to behave the way that we want them to behave. We just need to accept people the way they are. On the other side, there are people are suffering for hunger, injustice, oppressions, but how much we really SHOW our care? yes we might care, we might remember them in our prayer, but they might not know we are care enough until we do something to prove it. The same thing in my case and personal experience. This experience had motivates me on being more sensitive to care more about other people's feeling more than my own feeling since hurting someone and somebody will just give you a double hard feeling and it's like hurting and torturing your own body.
May Allah grant strength for my brothers and sisters who are suffering just because people surround him/her doesn't show how much they care.
May Allah forgive me for not being being careful in my words, for not being careful in my act and for not caring about others more than myself and care about this deen more than anything else!
agak terkesan dengan pengisian jiwa petang tadi. truly truly truly what I really need. masha Allah.
setiap butir bicara muwajih, sangat terkesan di hati. setiap patah yang keluar dari mulut mereka ibarat emas malah jauh lagi bernilai. kerna aku tau, jauh dari sudut hati mereka, setiap patah itu adalah terlalu bernilai. setiap detik mereka di saat itu, satu harapan kepada para pemuda, generasi harapan ummah, setiap patah itu nilainya ibarat nyawa mereka. kerana nafas mereka setiap denyut memikirkan hal ummah, memikirkan Allah, memikirkan how islam to survive and continue to spread over the entire world.
masha Allah. subhanallah. allahu akbar.
hanya pada Allah ku panjat syukur, memilih aku untuk berada di sesi itu. mendengar mesej 'utusan Allah' truly buat aku terkedu. betapa Allah menegur aku dengan penuh kasih sayang walaupun mungkin aku sangat2 misbehave lately, walaupun aku sangat2 annoying, walaupun ada masa aku tak sengaja 'terlupa' Allah ada dengan aku.. dimana tindakan aku ibarat Allah tu tak wujud pun, or His existence that I forget to acknowledge.
subhanallah.
thinking it back.. having self-reflection, self-analysis,
no wonder i'm stuck.
no wonder aku tak progress much.
no wonder aku sangat lah slow.
walhal, aku mcm dah tau semua benda.
walhal aku dah tau apa kena buat
walhal aku memang dah boleh agak macam2..
tapi memang benarlah, hakikat insan tetap manusia lemah.
hakikat seorang hamba, itu lemah.
kekuatan hanya dari Dia.
benar-benar dari Dia.
sejak beberapa hari yang lalu aku memulakan kembara mencari diri, memulakan kembara menghilang diri, dan aku tidak pasti entah bila kembara ini bakal berakhir lagi.
minggu yang cukup mencabar.
tekanan emosi, tekanan perasaan, jiwa cukup menghuru hara, mengacaubilaukan dan mengharubirukan hidup aku.
dan terlalu banyak perkara yang bila dimuhasabah kembali,
terlalu banyak yang perlu aku perbaiki.
it's good to muhasabah.
it's good to have a feeling that you need to change yourself of others.
what is not good, when yourself easily start overwhelmed with so many things you wanna do.
up to the level that, it makes you stuck and ends up not going anywhere.
n this busy and hectic life I truly can appreciate to have solah time. truly from my heart that I realize the value how amazingly offering 2 rakaát prayer can completely give you energy and change your emotion, mental state to a spiritual that leads your mind and soul to a better condition.
masha Allah. it is so powerful. but sometimes it's pretty sad when you yourself don't feel the 'need' until someone has to remind and said to you, ''go and offer 2 rakat", "say bismillah and start". walhal that is something like 'basic' thing. which supposedly that is ''common sense'' as for being muttaqin.
relationship with Allah will connect you with everything you do.
you will not easily get lost, and feel screw up because you having faith in Allah that, everything is good and will be fine as long you are with Allah.
nampak sangat hubungan dengan Allah problematic no wonder sangat sangat senang terasa hati dengan orang, and come up all other issues that lead up to depression, stress, and other emotional state.
walhal, the roots dia just not truly serious taking care your relationship with Allah.
reflecting back, yes, inilah padahnya.
when you are too much into dunia, and losing focus on why you doing everything.
when you forget to reset and refresh your real intention and main purpose in completing one task.
yes, it is not just about completing a task.
tapi a task that need to be completed with fully ihsan.
quality of the work.
the thing is that, as I said, I a person that easily get overwhelmed, easily get distracted. Alhamdulillah, Allah grant me strength on stay away from my main distraction ~facebook~. I thank Allah for giving this moment that I don't feel the need of çhecking my facebook. But it just enough for me to share what interest me. Thats all. Without bothering what people comments, or whats going on to other people's life.
I'm busying myself with making myself busy with something that I knew I should busy about it.
yeah accomplishing assignments. One is overdue due to many reasons.
Sometimes, when losing direction, and my faith is shaking, and feeling a loser, truly not let me become any better. and deep inside I knew, this is the race, this is a climb. Either you wanna jump and give up or keep to survive and keep going. Just keep going. No matter what is in the past, you have no time to regret or even think about it at this moment. Time is too precious for you to waste. And the reason I'm writing all this, is a form of expression in letting my mind to burst and my heart to expand and breathe. Truly intense moment and writing about your feeling sometimes just make you feeling better.There are time where I really feel (like right now) I don't feel I wanna talk. A period of avoiding people. I can smile to you, but I don't wanna talk to you. Even so it looks like I seem so problematic, but I won't insist on talking about problems. Sometimes I might do need to talk about problems but sometimes, I don't feel like it since I already knew all the solutions. All the answers to that problem already in my head but might not yet in my heart which I have to gain strength in making the step towards solution.
