satu cinta

tiba waktu

Teguh didalam jiwa

Kesabaran adalah permata

Dan waktu terus berlalu

Penantian tak berarti sia sia

Saat perjalanan adalah pencarian diri

Laksana Adam dan Hawa

Turun kebumi terpisah jarak waktu

Dipenantian mencari diri

Memohonkan ampunan dipertemukan

Bidadari tlah menyentuh hati

Teguhkan nurani

Dia tlah menyapa jiwa

Memberikan makna

Saat perjalanan adalah pencarian diri

Laksana Zulaikha jalani hari

Sabar menanti Yusuf sang tambatan hati

Dipenantian mencari diri

Memohonkan ampunan dipertemukan

Segera kan kujemput engkau imami

Bila tiba waktu kutemukan aku

Ya Ilahi Robbi keras ku mencari diri sepenuh hati

Teguhkanlahku dilangkah ini

Dipenantian hakikat diri

Dan izinkan kujemput si dia

Tuk bersama menuju Mu mengisi hari 

sepenuh hati

niqab hati

bismillah.

ukhti seusrahku ada bertanya,
"ain dah tak pakai purdah?"

aku hanya tersenyum. memberi ungkapan jawapan yang aku sendiri mencari.

entah kenapa bila saja menjejak Malaysia, aku lebih mudah meninggalkan pakaian itu. walau hati ada keinginan untuk cuba istiqamah, tapi entah, aku sendiri tak kuat untuk memakainya di Malaysia lebih-lebih lagi bila bersama keluarga.

pokok utama yang sebenar bukanlah isu pakaian tersebut akan tetapi soal hati jauh lebih utama

kadang-kadang aku terfikir,
"apakah selama ni aku bertopeng ya?"


bertopengkan secebis kain di muka namun perwatakan disebaliknya jauh dari nyata,.

ya ada masa, kita kuat, ada masa kita lemah.
tak selamanya aku kuat, dan juga tak selamanya aku patut merasa lemah.

Rahmat Allah

Rahmat Allah tidak boleh dijual beli. Perlu usahakan bersungguh-sungguh untuk dapatkan! - TU, Tv9.

Last 3 days of beloved ramadhan. =(

wasilah

Wahai orang-orang yang beriman! Bertaqwalah kepada Allah dan carilah wasilah (jalan) yang boleh menyampaikan kepadaNya (dengan mematuhi perintahNya dan meninggalkan laranganNya); dan berjuanglah pada jalan Allah (untuk menegakkan Islam) agar kamu beruntung. Al-Maidah 5:35

With this in mind, I hope may the step that I took bring me closer to Allah. It just one of the means but not the only means. I put my trust in Him. to Him, all matters return. 

 - everjihad 

سبل السلام

Sahih International

By which Allah guides those who pursue His pleasure to the ways of peace and brings them out from darknesses into the light, by His permission, and guides them to a straight path.

Malay

Dengan (Al-Quran) itu Allah menunjukkan jalan-jalan keselamatan serta kesejahteraan kepada sesiapa yang mengikut keredhaanNya, dan (dengannya) Tuhan keluarkan mereka dari gelap-gelita (kufur) kepada cahaya (iman) yang terang-benderang, dengan izinNya; dan (dengannya juga) Tuhan menunjukkan mereka ke jalan yang lurus.

be forgetful to be forgiven

bismillah


This morning I get mad at her. again and again. Am I hot-tempered person? I don't know. but truly I cannot stand with a person that losing 'common sense'. That truly annoying and get me irritated.

However, in another side, looking bad at myself, I still have a long way to go.
Living with her really taught me patience, and 'berlapang dada'. Imagine if one day I'm going to be a mother, insha Allah, and I'm still with this character that just smash a person once he/she get me irritated, what will happen to the kid? 


Truly it's not easy to self-restrain. It is easier to burst the anger out rather than to keep it. 


and she start mumbled, 'why everyone hates her'. 
'Oh ya, you are so irritating and annoying, that's why!', my heart whisper.


But truly I'm pity at her. It's not her fault for not having 'common sense'. 


She reminds me to my old self, when I still kiddo and how all my sisters keep on scolding me day and nights. Everything I do, there must something wrong to them. Not to say my mum. She is legend in scolding me day and night. That is how I grew up and learning what is 'common sense'.

I believe she never been scolded and told what is hygiene and what is common sense. Unfortunately she is an orphan, her mum died when she still child.

I feel bad but I'm just a normal human that has flaw by her own.

Too bad, Since I just read Quran last night and Allah promised for those who forgive other people's fault, Allah will forgive him/her.

I believe I did much misdeed that truly breach the 'common sense' in Allah's sight. But never Allah 'smash' me or yell and say, "You are annoying".

Dan segeralah kamu kepada (mengerjakan amal-amal yang baik untuk mendapat) keampunan dari Tuhan kamu, dan (mendapat) Syurga yang bidangnya seluas segala langit dan bumi, yang disediakan bagi orang-orang yang bertaqwa;Iaitu orang-orang yang mendermakan hartanya pada masa senang dan susah, dan orang-orang yang menahan kemarahannya, dan orang-orang yang memaafkan kesalahan orang. Dan (ingatlah), Allah mengasihi orang-orang yang berbuat perkara-perkara yang baik; { 3:133-134 }

Truly Allah is The Most forgivenl and I have to learn that character. Not easily to be mad to anyone,  don't simply yell to people that really hit my 'red button' even so I used to be yelled once upon time ago.

hew hew.. sah Qurratul ni not yet pass to step in another step. U've a lot to learn, Qur and a long wayy to go.

3 days to go

before I leave this place

11.11am

Neptune 2, #Suite 1069

209 Fort York Boulevard

Toronto

sinar baru

bismillah

hati ini
tidak akan pernah berhenti
memulakan langkah berani
demi memelihara diri
memperhalus pekerti


demi Ilahi
ku sahut seruan suci

demi Ilahi
aku yakin pasti
tiada resah membayangi
kerana ketetapan-Nya sudah pasti

dan aku mahu gegas berlari
mendapatkan redha Ilahi
yang menanti
seluas langit dan bumi

---
It just one of the way,
to reach The Most Glorify
but not the only way.

I don't mind what will be
soon or later

It is not about who, how, where, when
since everything already written up there
what will be, sure will be.

what is not, sure will not
regardless how hard I try to get there.

therefore,
I've nothing to lose!

because,
no matter what
it's already there.

smile :)

kredit: m

may Allah purify this heart. 

message sent @ 11:44pm,
090612 Neptune 2, Toronto.

Turning 22

Bismillah

I'm turning 22 in 2 days.

Subhanallah.
What have I achieved so far?

What have I done in fulfilling my obligation

I'm getting older and I'm not little gurl anymore.

Am I getting wiser?
Am I getting mature?
Am I getting better?

Am I getting closer and closer to Allah?
Am I a better servant to Allah?

Last 2 days, a brother passed away. And the announcer at the ISNA masjid told the people that

People come and go. And the reason Allah sent us on this earth is to do what He please.

Despite of being overwhelmed or thinking too much, this simple reminder (simple in the sense of less words but profound), had strucked me in someway.

The question is simple.

Am I doing what He please?

Qur,
You know what He please and you know what is not. But at the end of the day, how deep do you really feel Allah is in your heart?

That every heartbeat thinking of Him. Thinking and worry for doing something that He is not please with.

Sometimes,my heart can fill full with love but sometimes, fear need to take place when the sense of love start to fade.

If love doesnt get along, fear the only way to get to the love.

At least, to have fear if being displeased,

Ya robbi,
I'm turning 22
Death is closer day by day
Sometimes, I'm not sure
Am i getting better or am I not?
And I didn't know whether
Do You please with me or You don't
Nauzubillah

Ya ilahi
Put barokah in my life
To live at this age
Pleasing You

I need you my Lord
To survive in this journey
Without You
I'm helpless
Grant me patience
to be istiqamah
In every steps that I took
Towards Your pleasure

209 Fort York Blvd
May 20, 2012
7:45PM

do-it boleh dicari

bismillah.


astaghfirullah azim, 
astaghfirullah azim
astaghfirullah azim.

may Allah forgive all my sins, for wrongdoings that I've done, for the past that keep coming haunting me, for the future that uncertain, I leave to Allah the rest. For Him will decide, and to Him I put my trust.

tawakkaltu 'alallah .
la hawla wala quwwata illa billah
tiada daya dan upaya melainkan dengan-Mu ya Allah

it's a mistake, yes it is.
everyone did mistakes.

for this  and other people's mistake, I lost 2/3 of the income.
yet, this misery keep haunting me,
unhappy heart for past mistakes.
and it's never easy for me to MOVE ON
where I feel my life so screwed
coz lot of things, and from one thing get to another thing
a problem to another problem
a mess to another messes

but as people always say,
Life will go on

even so how stuck am I in a pretty stressful life I would say
I have to choose

how long I wanna keep this problem haunting me
and stop me from being happy?
stop me from being what I wanna be?

kite nak jadi hamba Allah yang baik, kan?

hamba Allah yang baikk dia tak zalimi orang lain.
dia takkan sesuka hati buat n bertindak sesuka hati
dia takkan cakap benda2 yg buat orang rasa tak senang hati
walaupun mungkin dia terasa hati n menderita akibat dari perbuatan org lain
walaupun mungkin dia sedih sangat dengan orang lain,

tapi cukup bagi dia jadi hamba Allah
Tuhan yang cukup bagi diri Dia

sebab dia ada Allah yang sangat hebat memujuk
Allah nak bagi syurga kot
utk sesape yg leh tahan dgn sume ujian yg Allah nak kasi kat dunia ni
ish ish ish org dah offer syurga, takkan still nak pilih jalan to the hell kot?

hu.
time iman tgh ada, i can say this to myself.

tapii time iman tercabut..
maigod.. only Allah knows.
huhu

soo
what you had learnt from the bitterness of this messy life, Qur?

ya
sekolah atau universiti kehidupan yang mengajar dan mendidik aku erti tanggungjawab.

tanggungjawab menjadi hamba Allah yang beriman dengan sebenar-benarnya.
seriusly, baru sekarang hati boleh sedikit tenang dan mula bercahaya setelah lama dalam gelap.

sangat rungsing dengan masalah yang berpanjangan
namun, seharusnya sudah tiba masa aku belajar selesaikan dan hadapi masalah kehidupan.

lari bukan lagi satu pilihan!

dan ternyata kadangkala lebih mudah bertindak mengikut rasa,
namun akhirnya iman rosak binasa

kini aku sedar
yang aku sebenarnya belum lagi benar-benar mengertikan
hidup untuk memberi, bukan untuk menerima
dan memberi maaf adalah jauh lebih mulia
berbanding membalas 'rasa'.

yes, at one point I'm tired
tired for all the messes

dan kadangkala sukar melepaskan dan memaafkan
namun, sikap itulah yang sebenarnya menghurung dan mengurung aku
dari terus bebas menjadi hamba Tuhan yang Maha Pemaaf, Pemurah

d0-it boleh dicari, Qur
tapi ...
hubungan yang dah lama terbina dan terjalin, mana mungkin boleh dicari ganti

apakah dirimu tegar membiar saudaramu kesulitan
kerana sifat kamu mementingkan diri lebih dari dirinya?

at one point,
you might feel
I have the rights!

but to have those rights, won't ever make you happy.
when you have to step over other people's rights
and others have to suffer

tak ape suffer sekejap je kat dunia,
nanti Allah ganti kat akhirat sana.

yes, do-it boleh dicari.
Allah pinjamkan kejap je pon.
it's not yours even.
and Allah amik kejap nak tengok how you behave.
what you lost are just nothing
as compared what you gained.

yes, you lost material.
but you gained a lot of things.
you learnt a lot from those experiences
don't you?

you really really LEARNT and GROW UP!

isn't that beautiful?

insha Allah, Allah ganti dengan something much much muchhhh better

lupakan je kisah silam, okay!
kita BINA hidup baru, hari baru.
insha Allah, pelangi bakal menyapa
kejap je lagii nanti mati
suffer tak lama
kejap je
syurga kan menanti
utk org2 yg tak penat buat baik kerana Ilahi..

SO

buang sifat2 n rasa2 yg tak best tu.
kan dah rasa kan rasa yang tak best tu.
hasil tarbiyyah sape?
pak tan n konco-konconya jugak kan?

kan Allah cakap, jangan ikut langkah2 pak tan tu
nanti sesat.

see..
see urself right now..
how miserable you are lately
and how you are totally in LOST

truly lost

tula tak caye..
lenkali kena beriman betul2..
so that tak rasa lost lagi

hu.
so so terriible and horrible the feeling
the feel of feeling 'lost'
losing direction
life feel meaningless
senseless

ahh semua rasa kelabu
tiada lagi hati yang berbunga2 disiram iman dan taqwa
rasa macam dah tercabut walau pun masih lagi jasad tunduk sujud dan ruku'

tapi apa erti semua tu?
rupanya masalah ukhuwwah yang tak setel
yang telah mencabut segala rasa

dan kini
sesaat dan secebis kekuatan dan taufiq kurniaan dari-Nya
buat aku terpelempang dan mula bangkit
mahu bangkit dan sental karat-karat hati
segala yang menyumbat dari hati ini untuk terus hidup

memberi dan terus memberi
tanpa mengharap untuk menerima
dan hanya mengharap dari Ilahi

segala yang terjadi
sudah ketetapan Ilahi
tapi jangan disalaherti
tak boleh biar dunia merosak peribadi
sahsiah nabi harus diteladani
dan menjadi bukti dan SAKSI
aku sekali kali TIDAk mahu menjadi hamba duniawi
dan aku benar-benar mahu menjadi hamba Ilahi yang sejati

allahu'alam.



isyak
10:03PM
209 Fort York Blvd.

~ halawatul ukhuwwah ~